The nerve of your H to give you such a thoughtLESS present! I can not begin to rationalize what the heck he is thinking! But I do have some thoughts that I would like to share here. As you read this, I want you to realize that I am not attacking what you did and did not do. The shock of it all would send me for a loop (actually it did). All I want is for you to learn form this encounter and go forth in your DB efforts.
The papers he handed to you sounded like they were blank. Nothing filled out and definitely not served by any courts. So, does this actually constitute getting served with D papers? He gave them to you for your action. What are you going to do with them? Are you going to give him what he supposedly wants or are you going to do with them what you want to do with them. Remember, this is all about you.
I have a perspective on this that may not be agreed upon, but I will state it anyway. Is it possible that his timing and giving you these papers were done because he thinks you REALLY don't care and YOU want this? He seemed TOO comfortable giving you these papers. Is it because he thinks that YOU would not have a reaction and that this is what YOU want because you are so happy lately without him, so to speak? Is it possible that he thinks that it is YOU that wants to be "just friends"?
There's one thing i do believe in and that is honesty. Please ask yourself this question. Were you honest to him and to yourself when giving the answer to his question..."What are you thinking?" Your answer was about timing being brutal, but is that what you were really thinking. Now I am sure you may have had a few choice words to him and felt you couldn't say them to him because that may have caused you to backslide or wasn't good DB technique. There are times when you do need to keep your feelings to yourself, to not talk R talk. It is really a hard thing to do to know when to do that and when not to. I believe it is good to show your interest in the R every once in a while. Does he KNOW that you still want to be M'd?
Take this trip to think about this. I hope you took your DR/DB book. IMHO, there is no harm in telling your H that you need to think about this long and hard, because this is something that you do not want right now, something you haven't thought about.
With the exception of giving you that folder of papers, everything you wrote about what he did seemed to be all acts of love. He loves you carrie, I have no doubt about it. He values you and your friendship. And we all know that the key to a great R is to be great friends, which it seems you two have.
I definitely can relate to feeling blindsided and having so much pain and anger about the whole sitch. It is why I needed a vacation into my cave for the last few weeks. But it has given me time to evaluate me and what I need to do.
You have so much time right now. IMHO, there is no hurry to act on anything at the moment. You mentioned you feel lost and don't know where to go from here. Let me help you here. Go the DB route. Continue to work on you. Re-evaluate your goals, and yes, your goals have changed now, haven't they?
Carrie, I feel your pain, but don't give up. Take as much time as you need to regroup. I am thinking of you and hope your trip goes well.
I hope I made some sense here. Not sure if i did, but I do want you to know that your efforts at DBing are paying off, because he does value you as a friend, it is just that you want more, we all do!
Triple J
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
