Getting a Jump-start on the Inevitable---Piecing!!

[rj2]

hey girl--

First of all, huge hugs to you. You are really amazing, sweet, beautiful person- such a special friend to so many of us! and so many people who you meet know that, H is big ass moron right now....
((((((((((carrie)))))))))

wow. H's timing, crazy....WTF Ok, he seems really out of it right now, but it's part of the haze/depression, and his immaturity about R's. All of which can be overcome. And you really made the best out of that visit, you get an A+ for that! SERIOUSLY!!! That's what really counts, too- for you and the sitch's progress in time. How GREAT you are! Take heart in knowing that daggers in any shape and form come up as part of this process, so this does not have to be a huge setback.

So, me being me, I'm gonna pull all the good out of this I can for you. Let it all out, center yourself - promising thoughts are here still...... H is doing so much stuff for you and calling, IMing so often. He really wants you in his life..forever- he even said..

-I got the "better as friends" too, as you know(LOL!) As I see it, it is an intermediate stage-- where they have now realized how great you are, but still have reservations about M or R. The guilt is part of this too- they feel bad, b/c it's obvious how great you are! Key point to focus on there is "how great you are", not the "they feel bad" part, b/c people's feelings can and do change in time when we influence them! Just got to do it in the right way- subtle.... The basic foundation for your M is there, just needs to get to the "in love" level now.. The best way I have found to see this for myself is to imagine a continum of feelings-- hate to love/"in love"

0-------------------------0
hate like love in love

H has used the L word - and all his gestures toward you show that- so you are at the love level, which is just one step below "in love". Now, all you have to do is get up one step to the "in love" level.... and honestly I don't think you are that far from it.

What's worked for me is building those fires to get to "in love" again-- and it is a subtle thing that grows in time... Also, with DB- adding more mystery. Starting from "pre-dating" mode in the way you interact, adding the excitement,passion, the spark in your flirting/joking etc. Not being that same old person that H has pigeonholed you into. What separates a "friend" from a "lover", right? The passion, the ultimate closeness in comfort/connecting.. like you two are one. You've had this before with H, so it is not gone, just buried underneath there. I think our H's are in a similiar place with feeling bored and stifled by M- so what changes that ultimately is them seeing us as "hot/cute, cool, exciting chics" again. Not the predictible, boring girl next door who does their laundry type thing or the one who's home at night- Time for H to see how other men think you're hot, that you are exciting, flirtatious and confident as hell! All the sudden you may become "his woman" if he sees guys getting interested in you... There are many other factors that make people feel connected and in love--physical attraction, lots of common interests, similarities in lifestyle, language, dress- basically being on the same page in a major way. I know, it can seem like a lot, but what sums it up for me is the "pre-dating" notion. Also, one huge thing for men is bonding through interest activities.. So, if you can come up with some action oriented ideas in that dept- that will really help. What can H teach you? guitar? writing poetry?I can honestly tell you that this works, b/c my sitch has built up from "good friends" to the sparks of "in love" again... So, take heart in the fact that this CAN happen still!!!

"I hope we are always close" "the way WE expected them to be"
he had a lot of love for me
he hoped that would never end