I wanted to document a moment I had today with my S. He came home from work and started complaining about his job. He was complaining about how he felt they had misrepresented the job when he applied for it and how they now wanted him to do some BS paperwork. This is not the first time he has complained about the position. In fact each day for the past week there has been something.
Well, I was tired and lost my patience and said something like " if it is so bad and you don't like it, why don't you just try to find something that's more suitable to your requirements ". And then I saw a look that scared me. It was my H looking disgusted at my suggestion. It hit me. STFU, listen, validate and stop trying to fix.
I immediately apologized, validated his concerns ( it almost didn't work), and sat down and listened to him. I think what was really bothering him was something all together different than what he was complaining about.
This was an eye opening experience for me. It has been so long since I have had any contact with my H that I was having a hard time remembering what I could have done or said that would have brought us to this place of no contact. Well I was shown an example today of what I was doing. It was like getting hit in the face with a cold glass of water.
