Let's All Be Like Coffee

[V2pt0]

I thought I would some more thoughts and comments that came from session the other night. I had typed out a long post yesterday, but it some how got deleted before I hit submit.

First, though, I have to admit that since the session I have been having dreams/fantasies/ thoughts about some sort of last minute reconciliation. Ugh. Part of it is reading a few recent success story posts. Those always make me really emotional. In one respect they make me hopeful, but in another they make me sad and jealous. Sad that I apparently am not worth fighting for in my H's eyes and jealous that someone else's spouse did.

Anyway, with regard to the session:
-H told C that he was really hurt that I basically kicked him out of the house without any warning. Said he did not remember me giving him my boundry, so I had to remind him how it all went. He felt there should have been a discuss before I back his stuff up. Well, we know how all of those discussions went before.
-He said I filed without notice, which is also not true because I sent him a TM two days before I did. He was hurt by that as well.
-His timeframe of when he checked out of M changed about a half a dozen times during the session. Went from the course of 5 years ago to Last December with the fight in March being the last straw.
-H said my irrational/unstable behavior the past few weeks confirmed everything. This would be filing when I said never would and packng his things up.
- C backed up my behavior given the A and that that is how most people react. This has been confirmed by reading After the Affair.
-I can tell he is still hiding his true pain and was not fully upfront about how much he was hurt in M.
-He does not want long term R with OW. Just meeting needs temporaily.
-He can't see how to get past this or trust things will be different. IC told him they very much could if we both put in the work.

The sad part was realizing that we were both hurting for the very same reason-lack of emotional connection. We were both felt lonely, undesired, and under appreciated. Of course we each needed our needs met in unique ways, but both of us dealt with it all in unhealthy ways. Withdrawing, not communicating, resentment, A, etc instead of trying to move toward each other. We just lacked the skills needed to do the right thing. I still see there is time. He thinks it is too late.

Still think some truths from IC might have stuck. At least he was for once hearing it from a neutral person.

Back to my reading assignment.