Hi Jpeg - currently we text a few times during the week and speak at weekends. We live away from each other so have not seen each other for a year, but that is about to change. The texts go from day to day chit chat, to flirty.
BD (ilybnilwy speech) was April 14 (but this has been brewing on and off since 2000) and he left June 14. OW came on scene Aug 14. He bounced back to me Sept 14 and I last saw him Oct 14. I went complete NC at that point. He went back to OW and they moved in together Jan15.
He emailed Nov 14, Feb 15 and then rang me March 15. In May 15 he rang me, he was broken and confused. Since then contact got more regular, he professed his desire to get me back a few weeks ago, left ow and is now in psychotherapy to sort out his head and make him whole again. Some weeks we talk/text every day and some weeks can go by with nothing (but that is rare now), he is figuring out who he is and I am figuring out what I want, so until then we are taking this slowly. (job, if you're reading this, yep I do listen to you :o) )
I am ok with this, actually it suits me as I have to adjust to this new situation too. I have rebuilt my life, I was completely destroyed and lost everything so having the breathing space to focus solely on me has been the best thing that happened. I have a job, home and friends, I have my own life that I decide what happens in. A lot has changed about me and I really do believe NC helped me move along quicker.
And for h - he told me that no matter what I did or said he would have done whatever he wanted to anyway, there was no stopping this. He has said that none of this has come from a sane place, he regrets and hates himself for who he has become and is now taking steps to fix himself.
Contacting and harassing him would have just pushed him further away from me. I told him twice, one in the June before he left and again in November before I went away:" if anything changes then never sit there and not say anything, I love you and will always be here if you need me." Then I left him alone.
Its hard, seriously hard. At times the temptation is really strong to just send a text "hi" - distract yourself. When the time passes you will be pleased you didn't do anything. I ask myself - am I prepared to feel the pain if I don't get the answer I want back .....my answer is no.
