I don't want to project my own issues on your situation, because I'm not a mind reader and I don't agree with your wife's actions or criticism but just to offer a different view point... perhaps she does not want parenting to be easy for you. Maybe she wants that acknowledgement that taking care of the kids is tough and stressful and maybe she wants to be appreciated as well, for being capable at the most important job in the world?
I can kind of see this too, especially if you weren't very involved with kids prior BD. She probably has some built up resentment about taking care of the kids all of the time in the past and maybe never felt appreciated, so now she is saying to herself it's not so easy is it Z. Just a thought.
