I finally asked him after he tells me that is wife says my W is doing the same things she did. I asked him if he minded if i speak with her to get her view of things. He was stunned and said, I never thought of that. we are being so rational about everything and they are not rational.

(Sandi - banging her head against the wall.)

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!