In the meantime the child support check was late and when I objected Mr. Fantastic treated me to a huge word salad about how he is human and makes mistakes and I need to quit treating every little thing as some nefarious plan to make me suffer. Also that the alimony check might be late because of the same problem. And that he wasn't going to hate himself just because I want him to. Then today he sent me a long text asking me to coffee next week and saying that he wants us to be closer and to be less tense with each other.
I wish he would just LEAVE ME ALONE. I don't want anything to do with him. My life is demanding and I'm tired all the time. I want nothing more than to stay home for a week making my home mine and having lunch with all the wonderful people who have supported me through the last two years and thanking them and making some small return on their kindnesses. He doesn't care about my feelings AT ALL. He just wants me to behave in a way that makes it possible for him to minimize the impact that he has had on me. He wants evidence for his myth of the amicable divorce. I have no interest in salving his conscience. He never even apologized for the check being late until I pointed out to him that I rely on the money. DUH. He doesn't care about anything but himself at all. I don't need that kind of selfishness in my life.
Hey Maybell!
I had to chuckle a little at this because my child support check was also late this month and in my case I was irritated by the overly gushing and extended apologies I kept receiving that sounded like they were being texted by a 12 year old girl (I'm so so so so sorry!) and kept coming in during a work meeting. Then I read your situation and realized again, that in many respects I have it pretty easy.
That being said - I'm a little concerned that this early on into paying child support he's already coming up late and not realizing it's kind of a big deal (in my case it was only a few days late and I wasn't ever really concerned - STBX is fiscally responsible). Does your state have the ability to automatically take it out of his account monthly? You probably don't want to go there yet - but t would probably be nice to know you have it as an option if necessary.
And about your wish for him to leave you alone...FWIW I think you should just tell him that very directly. Again - this is super easy for me to say - because I have the opposite situation where we almost never communicate and when we do - it's strictly kid related and just the facts kind of stuff. I would be inclined to tell him dispassionately that this has been a difficult situation for you, that you are on your own timeline dealing with it and that right now you wish to limit contact. Of course one day you would like your dealings to be less "tense" , but that right now that will not be accomplished by sit down coffees. That's a perfectly reasonable line to take.
Originally Posted By: Maybell
I did come very, very close to just walking out on my job today. My boss had sent me a long list of things to do by email, and as I was going over them clarifying what she was asking for, she interrupted EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE I tried to start. Her tone was very impatient and she acted like all my questions were stupid. If I'm so stupid then why am I still there? If I'm smart enough to be there then why can't she let me ask my questions when all I'm trying to do is determine what she wants?
I hate that I'm missing out on taking my kids to the fair and chaperoning field trips, etc., so that I can subject myself to this kind of treatment. I am horrified at what it will be like when my mentor leaves (her last day is Friday... similar reasons).
So - you're a smart lady and I'm sure you don't need me telling you these things, but don't just walk out. Make sure you give notice (walking out would very likely complicate your next job prospect) and if you haven't already make sure you have talked to your exiting mentor about using her as a reference.
I'm a believer in getting out of bad work situations if it isn't working for you. You've been there close to a year, right? That's good - it shows employment stability. I bet you're already looking - I'm sure you can find something that is a better fit.
