WW Conversation

[thriver]

As long as the WW says she regrets the A, but you never see any evidence of her wanting to make things right with you, I would say it's just words without the emotional expression of wanting the marriage reconciled.

Exactly right Sandi. She has said she was sorry, but as far as making things right with me, not even close IMO. She shows no interest in reconciling or even contacting me, despite my going dark. She doesn't even respond to my emails about strictly financial items.

As long as she has a wayward heart, her motives will be selfish. He needs to examine the "friendship" from the view as if she were M to another man. Would he be her friend, then? And, don't confuse friendliness with being a BFF. IMHO, the only time to become a friend to a spouse who betrayed you, is when they repent (and turn away from that behavior) and both are working to reconcile the M.

I don't even know if WW is currently seeing the original OM or if she's moved onto another one or if she's not even looking for one right now. You do bring up a good point though, that as long as she is "wayward at heart", it will all be about her selfish needs and desires. No, I will not be her friend, and I told her the same several months ago. She fired me as her H and she does not get to demote me to BFF. She seems ok with it.

I think a word missing here might be "willingness". If a WW wants to reunite with the H she betrayed, then she should be willing to do whatever it takes to heal the MR. There may be some cases where the WW is so distraught, or perhaps has sank so low, that she feels it is hopeless to think her H would even give her a second chance. (I'm not seeing it in your WW).

If this was the case, is there any way I should communicate to her that it's not too late and I would give her a chance if she repents and turns away from her destructive behavior?

IMO, the H needs to lay out a transparency plan, boundaries, some type of professional guidance, etc. He is the one who is (or should be) in the position to call the shots. She needs to understand that she is the one who has to earn his trust........and not the other way around.

How do I do this?

And don't accept that old bait of her saying, "I've been thinking about maybe going back home", or her asking something like, "What would you do if I packed my bags and came home"? Nope, it's not that simple, honey.

Not a chance. I'm committed to not letting this happen. I've worked too hard on myself in the last year to let her come back without putting in the work on herself. If she ever did say something like that, what would be the best response?

For my sitch, it's the 11th hour. Unless a miracle happens, we will be D'd next month. The court date is set. I guess I have to accept it at this point. But that doesn't mean I'm giving up the fight. I'll continue to GAL, I'll continue to move on from this painful experience, I'll continue to enforce my boundaries.

I would appreciate some feedback on my questions. Goodnight friends.