I was like you guys. I sat around "our" big empty house, pondering the past, obsessing over what she was doing or who she was with. Texting, calling, checking her FB page, etc. Then I said "enough" and got out there and did something about it. I took dancing classes, cooking classes, read books I always wanted to read, got involved in my church, etc. All of it and everything to get my mind off of her. Half the time I would fall in bed at the end of the night completely exhausted because I was going so hard.
For years my WW begged me to go dancing. I had no time for it, wasn't my thing. I spent some serious money buying us dancing lessons hoping to "save" my marriage. She balked and never went, they were going to expire so I went on my own. Sure it was weird the first class, even a little bit on the second class, but I ended up having a lot of fun doing so. And now that I am sorta dating, girls freak out when they see that I can actually hold my own on the dance floor.
Think about your future with out her/him. Think about everything that you were told that you would never do and do it! Write a novel, visit a place you always wanted to, go see your old high school friend who moved across the country, look up an old flame on FB and see what they are up to, go skydiving/bungie jumping, take your kids fishing or to a ballgame, whatever, just something. Get up, get motivated and get active!
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Eye, I 100% understand what you are saying. If you look back through my posts, I think I have a pretty strong GAL game... Tonight was an open night and for whatever reason got that funk going on. I'm not sure if I heard a song or sub conciously saw something as a trigger? Who knows, tomorrow is another day and it will be a better one! Stupid roller coaster ride needs an eject button!
Just a short list of recent activities Went to the races (more than once) Spent the night with buddies around a campfire Took s4 to the fair Took s4 to Sunday school Raced an off road race (crazy!!!) Camped out in the woods Went on a guys day with s4 Spent a day riding 4 wheeler with s4 Kayaking (about 5 times) Started getting ready for winter (house) Did some long overdue things on the "honey do" list haha Reconnected with some long lost friends Went to an amusement park with s4
This is all within 3-4 weeks that I can think of. I'm sure I missed some too
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Uphill, you are doing great man! I just want to make sure that everyone knows that GAL is key! When my wife left, my life was over. Seriously, the challenges I faced ahead were daunting and it wasn't all just because of her. It was more so due to everything else going on with my life. My job, my health, my family, etc. I finally got off my lazy butt and went out and got the life I wanted. She moved out in February and here I am, happy as a clam all because I finally got off that couch.
I worry about people like me. I worry about those who do not think it can get better, I have been there and I can attest that it does get better. It's not always easier, but it does get better. The first step is getting out there and choosing life. And you are doing it, sir.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Oh it wasn't like this in the beginning! I sat at home prolly about 3 weeks staring at the door, waiting for her to knock. I would cry myself to sleep, loathe in self pity and failed at anything I tried to do to get my mind off things... I was a mess! It wasn't like a light switch either. Baby steps. I started by cleaning the house one room at a time. Top to bottom. At that point I knew I had to do something but didn't want to be around anybody. So I found things to keep me occupied without leaving home. Then I started researching "how to get your girl back" type things and came across this board. Of all things I found this has been the only one I have been talking on more than a day! I tried some others and the people were rude. Had crappy advise (all the things that I already knew didn't work). After a few weeks of GAL at home, I ventured out. Now, going on 5 months since move out day, I usually have at least 4 days a week booked. Sometimes 7. It is getting easier, not easy but easier...
Sometimes I go hours without even a thought of XF. Sometimes such as tonight it doesn't go 5 minutes. Even that is a long way from where I began! That was the only thing on my mind 24 hours a day. Couldn't eat (dropped 30 lbs in 2 months) and I wasn't overweight to start. Couldn't sleep, now I usually don't lose any unless I'm too busy haha. Couldn't put my phone down for 2 minutes, just hoping it would ring. Hell, I used to do the dreaded drive by her appartment to see if she was home or anybody was there. Haven't done that in months now.
So on days like today, when I feel like I have made 0 progress, I sit back and think about how it was as recently as June!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Thank you why us! Days like today blow! But there are better days ahead my man! We all have them, they get fewer and farther between. Just a few weeks ago I would try to "overhear" what XF was saying when talking to s4. Now I leave the room. No room for that nonsense. It would only drag me down hearing her voice.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Please start a new thread. You have 106 postings/replies.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
