My lizard and her tunnel ...

[AJM]

Dazed and confused is about right. Wheeeee is more like it

She blames you for her moving in with OM? Hmm...

I don't think that she has done any work for herself in this time. How could she? I have been the evil husband for most of the time, everything has been my fault. It has only been the past month or so that she has started to see that I am not responsible for everything going wrong in her life. It seems that is falling to OM. While part of me does chuckle at the idea of him receiving that kind of treatment, I am truly concerned that she doesn't look at her involvement in things. She continues to be the victim who is justified in hurting anyone that doesn't agree with her.

How quickly things cycle. Both ways.

Be wary here. This is one of those critical points where she is looking at the past and the present and the future but not really differentiating between them. The common theme? Her. It's still self-centered.

The good news? She misses the kids. That's a big step. But it's hard to see that she misses you. She seems to miss that life, but hasn't really matured beyond that yet. I think you know that. It comes out loud and clear in your post.

As much as you'd like her to come back, I'm not sure that is a good idea. She isn't interested in "coming back" to the relationship by the sound of it, and I think you made it clear that's important. She seems far more interested in getting out of the current situation and going back to "safety".

Having been there, I suggest you figure out what YOU want. That seems to be the constant in this situation, although not really clear at this point. I know you want her to have a relationship with the kids. You want to start your new job. But it's not so clear what you want from the relationship with her.

I was in that position and opted to have her move back in. That didn't last long. She wasn't ready nor done with the issues that drove her to leave. I was the evil husband and still am as far as she is concerned. Meh, one person's view based on untruths and her desire for it to be so.

Looking back, I'm not sure that letting her come back so quickly and easily was the best choice. It was at the time with what I knew, but in hindsight, it may have been too early in the process.

Focus on your goals. Don't waiver on them. As for her, there is no hurry. I suggest waiting until you see that she really wants to come back for the relationship and not to recapture the peace and serenity of the old life. That life is dead and gone. She killed it. The only way forward is to create a new life.


Glad she's interested in the kids. That's a good sign. Glad you're progressing the degree and starting a new job. Yay!

AJ