You heal yourself first, before doing anything else. Fix your own problems, without trying to show her you have changed. She is not interested in your changes, and probably wouldn't believe anything to be authentic.
Your energy and focus must be on you getting yourself helped, healed, and keep changes in place from this point forward. If your goal is to do it just to get her to come back home.........the changes won't stick.
A lot has to transpire before either of you are ready to live together. You aren't the only one who needs to make changes, but you can't make her do it.
How many counseling sessions have you had? Any type of support group, anger management, etc., other than the counseling?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You do not have any proof you [censored] dumbass LOL I'm not sending the [censored] payment in God you're [censored] stupid I hate you so much I'm so glad I'm done with you I can't stand your dumbass And you look like a dumbass with that haircut
Going to echo what Sandi said. Read about Last Resort Technique. Become a better man - a man only a fool would leave. Change yourself and don't do it for her. She doesn't want to see your changes right now anyway. She is done with the marriage, so the marriage as you know it is over. You will either be starting over with a new marriage or ending this one. Do you know if the affair is still active?
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
As Sandi wrote, you dont. Its not about her or your R with her. Its about you.
Take your focus off of her, become the JOHNE you want to become. Then, if, in the future, she is interested in you again, you will be in a place where you are attractive and ready.
I would assume that the affair is still on and drop that rope. As Sandi always says, the sooner she feels that YOU have dropped HER, the sooner it MAY crack the fog.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
Thanks guys. I doubt it's still on. He now lives 2 1/2 hours away. They probably still talk.
All she wants to do is fight and yell. Usually pulls me in and makes me fight with her. Then I say something stupid. I swear she has lost her mind. Her doctor said about 2 years ago she thought her hormones are unbalanced. She won't get blood drawn and checked.
Johne. You need to just stop for 5 minutes, take a deep breath and be the bigger person. Read your first post, your messages, your emails etc from an outsiders perspective and the reality might sink in a little.
How can you fix it? Simple. Leave her alone! Do the last resort technique. Fall off the face of the earth. She texts, ignore it. She calls, send it to VM. She tries to pick a fight, say "There is nothing to fight over" and walk away. It might go against EVERYTHING you want to do, but it WILL throw her through a loop. You are a reactive person, so she knows how to push your buttons for said reaction. Guess what? She is showing your rants to her friends (and possibly the OM) to gain sympathy. She will use them against you. If she doesn't have that as back up, then what? Be proactive man, you can do this.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
