I would like to approach your boundaries and goals from a different angle. From where I am, I think you are very physiologically depleted.
In every way, the stress, the abortion, the post natal blues, the separation, the yo yo, the smoking and pushing yourself.
My sense is that the best goals would be around operating with the very basics of extreme self care. This I think means setting boundaries about looking after you and your health together with your children.
So let's examine some basic boundaries, some things that are so important that nothing can be in the way.
So what are boundaries?
It is as if you have a bubble around you, within that bubble you look after you with that which is most important. If another impinges on that, interferes with it then that infringes your boundary. A sign that one of your important values is being infringed is that you are upset or annoyed.
You chose to let others into your bubble because you respect them and they you.
It works two ways, you enter others bubble and respect their boundaries.
For example blocking OW and WH on your phone is enforcing your boundary. You are upset and want to scream, I don't blame you. By blocking you are protecting yourself. Good for you. Excellent boundary enforcement.
Incidentally if you want to scream go ahead do it. Find somewhere you won't disturb anyone and go scream, shout and yell. I drove out in my car found a quiet lane and let rip. Felt great. You have my permission! As if you need it.
That is an example of a boundary. So you have boundaries and are enforcing them, just haven't acknowledged that to yourself.
WH if you and OW contact me in this way, I will block your texts.
You have every right to be affronted.
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Now, OC let's find some reasonable health boundaries for you, and implement good extreme care. Some food, routine grooming, basic exercise, reading and progress together with looking after your little ones.
How much do you sleep?
These things are immutable, basic rights for you. Include peace, safety and personal time.
So, what are the basics in your life if disturbed would be a breach of your bubble?
If you can list those we can establish your core boundary on them.
For me that would be interruption to my sleep, I need my zzzzs and 8 hrs is the minimum, so my WH playing music at night loudly was a boundary infringement. Headphones.
I also eat 8-10 portions of fruit and veg etc.......
include medications, supplements, hugs from the kids, time out etc.....
Let me kick start:
WH if you come in and out of the house without agreement I will change the locks, I need my sleep and personal time.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 09/23/1512:58 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V Excellent points. Tonight's goal is to write down the boundaries I'd like to accomplish. I already told wh about blocking him and ow. Amd I told him that she has no right texting me.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
I'm having a hard time with telling him he can't come and go. I have said it a few times in the past and his response was well I pay the rent so it's my place and he know I can't afford moving out... so what do I do?
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Last night he said that he loves me to a certain extent. What does that mean? I probably know the answer to my question but here it goes. Is it ok to go out with on a date?
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Hi Overcom, best to remember that he is confused and not to believe anything he says just now. Probably he still feels some love sometimes and other times he just feels done. But none of this really matters unless he is truly remorseful and asking you what it would take to reconcile.
When you ask - is it okay to go out on a date, do you mean with your H or someone else?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
