hold on!! - 12

[u-turn]

Thanks Sunny!

You jointly own the house with her for the next three years with a clear understanding of how household repairs get paid (e.g. if it needs a new roof, you pay for that). Then, when D15 graduates from high school (and maybe goes away to college), you downsize to a smaller place and use the equity to pay for college. It's not a bad solution.

I think this works for me. I know it will keep me in the house and improving it over time will keep me busy and increase value. I know I can build the equity which I can use for D15s college. Just need some defined boundaries about this.

Could you tell her it's required to have someone look over the paperwork on her behalf? It doesn't have to be expensive. It's certainly going to be cheaper than re-visiting in five years.

I had another quick conv. with W about this and she will not retain a L. I did have an e-mail conv. with L and he said that he can basically represent both sides as long as we can agree on everything. If we disagree, he would have to resign the case and we both would have to find other Lawyers. I think we are going to try this and will have to meet with L this week to beat the Oct 1 hearing date. She seems rather nonchalant and easy going about all of this - maybe she is getting what she wants - out.

I mentioned the scorecard up there. I know logically that this is not helpful and I know to ditch it - sometimes the resentment creeps in and shows it's ugly face. I feel that overall I have lost so much and have to move on from that, but I am getting what I have asked for and more with the D so far.

Though I want to say this - a criticism of myself and one that I think makes me weak. I have always been a gracious loser and when the occasion occurred, had winner's guilt. I think this has made me into not a very competitive person. I remember even as a kid, that when I would compete at something and was winning, I would sometimes take a dive at the end because I know I have won, but give my opponent the joy of winning - bizarre behavior I think. (Don't really know why I mention this) back to the regularly schedule program.

I don't feel like there is any winning in a D, only a result that is as fair as possible for everyone. That is what I am trying to achieve. So I am trying to find areas to give back so I am not accused of winning this - does this make sense?

I like your quote from underdog and get this - I just really loved the life that I was living - but onward to a new life.

Sad to say, but I am looking forward to her departure. It is still very uncomfortable with her here and now with her talking about her place, and picking paint colors with D15, and talking about all of the new things she's getting, it does twist me a little. but again - I'll probably feel a whole lot better when she's gone.....

Feel free to yell at me, I have agreed to help her move some things to her place. I am picking up a washer & dryer tomorrow. I don't know if this was a good idea, but she asked and I said yes. I didn't really want to see her place, but I guess it was unrealistic to think that.

Thanks for your support