Thanks all.. my reaction was surprising.. I wasnt all giddy like I thought I would be. I didnt say it back.,.. still havent. I was glad to hear it tho. I know this is another step in the right direction but there are still many more before us.
Thank you for your thoughts and the cheers. I agree it is nice when good things happen around here. I feel the same for you all.
Keep talking im still listening.. im not out of the woods here yet folks.
Married 1991 D 32 GD 12 D 30 GD 3 S 29 M 58 S 57 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person New bomb 09/24 I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
Lonelee, I have been thinking about you all day. I think if I heard those words I would just break down crying from emotion and probably scare the crap out of H. I am glad you handled yourself well. I am glad for you, I know you aren't out of the woods but it is a big step.
If I were you, I'd step up the DB'ing right now, this is probably a critical time.
I am happy for you. And hopeful for me and the rest of us....... Have a great night.
Thank you both.. it is amazing how often I think about the "family" here. So many of us are experiencing the worst pain in our lives but we all come here to share and learn from one another. I think about you all on a daily basis as well as i go about my day. l often wish I could check in during the work day because I dont want to miss anything. I find it hard to keep up with everyones sit.
Keep doing the DB , try different approaches because we are all individuals with different partners and history. No two relationships are the same so dont be afraid to be a a little flexible with the advice given here. Im the first to admit I havent been a complete follower to the T. I had to add a little of my own intuition to some of the guidelines. I broke some rules as I went but thats my style... H actually called me a rule breaker just last night... NOT in relation to this haha.
Things that are working for me Going dusk... my version of going dark.. I never made it a week without some contact with H GAL so important for yourself self esteem Practicing 180.. I changed they way I intereacted with H. I have tried to forgive and foget and start a new relationship with him. We rarely talk about the past or the staus of our current relationship. I think this is huge. He actually said the other nite that " its like were dating but as a couple". We have been "dating" we have been going to dinner, fairs, movies fun things we had stopped doing in our marriage. We became cought up in the day today and became boring. My other 180 making coffee fun again. Dressing nice smelling nice and flirting is my mantra now. Haha Stopped pursuing... I became elusive unavailable and mysterious
Things that didnt work Pursuing Crying Being vulnerable and weak Snooping Asking probing questions Being bitter, resentful, or angry
Again this is my journey and im the one who has to live and learn by it. I share because it shows that everyones going to have to make choices in their own journey. By sharing we can look at others choices and maybe look for something to try on our own path.
Keep doing DB and trying different tactics. If something works keep doing it if its not working stop doing it and try something new. Be patient too.
Married 1991 D 32 GD 12 D 30 GD 3 S 29 M 58 S 57 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person New bomb 09/24 I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
I'm so happy for you. Reading your threads , it sounds like your husband had an attachment to you when you first started posting, I believe in August. You guys were dating and he was interested in maintaining intimacy. Is this how things were, when he first BD? About how frequently did you guys contact each other? Were you always friendly torwards him and did you initiate non relationship conversations?
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Hello.. im still here just been busy.. which is a good thing
Julie, so initially I thought life with my husband was over. I thought he was really done with us. However, we still cared very deeply about one another, we dont fight we get along great, very respective of one another and yes we continued to be intimate even tho I knew he was seeing someone else. He never said ilybinilwy to me but im pretyy sure thats wher he was at mentally.
We have a rental property and he moved in there in july. This has been since april for BD. He needed some time to figure things out, which I hated to have him go but know now its been for the best.
I started DB as soon as I found the website, again my version. I was always nice , looked nice smelled nice and yes I stopped daily contact with him. We would txt a little here and there but for the most part none. I GAL and didnt always answer or text back and I didnt make my self available. We did continue to make coffee here and there but I never stayed over and as soon as we were done I was like "see ya" and left. Never emotional about it. Ever. It was like thats all I wanted from him , at the time.
Lastly I never brought up the OW or our relationship and even today we havent had long lengthy talks about us. We both agree this is working for us right now. We see each other like were dating and typically sleep in our own beds. We still go a few days in between and on those days only a little texting here and there. Neither of us are in a hurry at this point.
Gotta go for now. Be back soon. Thanks for checking in V and P as well.
Married 1991 D 32 GD 12 D 30 GD 3 S 29 M 58 S 57 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person New bomb 09/24 I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
