Time to let go......how?

[sandi2]

I just saw you wave at me on another thread. I think you've received pretty good advice from Azzork. As for what you said of the thoughts you had when she didn't like you taking up so much of her time with the kids, I agree 100%. That describes a WW. However, Azzork has the right approach that you should take.

My response was "OK" and walked away. Now i know she may feel she is not getting her time with the kids and i know she needs that but please here my thoughts. First i wanted to say well maybe you shouldnt be going out all of the time, always running to the gym and dumping them, maybe you shouldnt live your life on your phone, maybe you should do things with them other than yell. Second i wanted to say was, the kids want me around and ask me to do these things and make comments about her. then i wanted to say, you are pushing for a S and i know my time with kids will become limited so i am getting everything i can in.
On one hand i am mad that she said this considering her behavior. On another i feel for her wanting time, but out of the blue now...what about the past 5 months. The kids show me more affection and i think it is hurting her.

The WW is motivated by pure selfishness, and often has jealousy thrown in with it. She doesn't want to devote time and attention the kids need from her, but she doesn't want them to favor you. I know it sounds kind of sick, but that's how a lot of WW's feel & think.

I know you must want to throw it back in her face. I sure would be tempted, if it were me. But it will do no good. And she would probably take it out on the kids.

I strongly recommend setting a schedule and when each parent has the kids. Then stick to it. If you are concerned about the welfare of your kids, get physical custody. Do not tell her what the kids told you about her! If you do, they won't trust you again.

Btw, validation doesn't mean you agree with her, or kissing her behind. It doesn't mean you tell her a bunch of warm fuzzes. It means you let her know you hear her. She doesn't have to feel the way you want her to feel. She doesn't have to make decisions just b/c you want her to. You may not agree, but they are valid to her. Neither should you insult her by patronizing her, if that makes sense.