I think you have received a lot of sound advice already. I have a thought experiment for you: If someone tried to fix you up with a woman who has a track record of being unfaithful, who is overly dependent on her parents, who is not willing to put any effort into a long-term relationship, whose family has "questionable" values, and who lies without effort, would you even consider dating this woman? Would you consider marrying a person like this?
I gleaned this information about your W exclusively from your still-brief thread. Without even going into details, you have already painted a picture of a very flawed individual. I don't think anyone in their right mind would come near her with a 10-foot pole based on the description above, especially someone who has been burnt before. Assuming her strong points (whatever they may be) do not outweigh her huge flaws, you deserve much much much better.
I think therein lies your answer. I also think that she had these flaws from the beginning, but you were blind to them - we are all blinded at first, so don't beat yourself up about it. Instead, work on yourself, and ask yourself what you really want in your next relationship.
Things get much more complicated when there a children involved - trust me. Thank your lucky stars that G-d opened your eyes when he did.
Your advice is among the best I have received. I thank you so much for it. These red flags were present at the time, and I ignored them. I was blinded by love like so many of us are. I am at least thankful that I have no children who have to be dragged through this mess.
I see that you're a physician. I'm applying to med school this cycle. Any advice for me in the future?
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
Question about going dark: I know this means not initiating contact, but what does it mean as far as responding to her contact? Is this totally ignoring any contact she initiates?
I believe only those who have no children could really go dark. Going dark means nothing from you. She hears nothing or sees nothing from you. Drop off the planet, kind of dark.
That's not to say you need to do it. Just explaining what it means.
I agree with what your counselor said about her moving closer to her reality and breaking up some of her fog. If you will leave her alone and let her discover that OM isn't what her fantasy thought, then you will have a better shot at her coming back. The key is to stop trying to win her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
RAI makes a valid point. If your W has had these character flaws before OM ever came along......and especially regarding her parents.....you may want to reconsider having a future with someone of that caliber.
Even if she ended the A, the issue with the parents will probably continue.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
One of my friends that has known both of us for 8-9 years keeps telling me my wife might be doing me a favor by walking away given many of her issues. It's tough to swallow that, but can see some truth in it. Sounds pretty much like what RAI and Sandi just said.
Me - Mid 40's W - Mid 40's Married 20 No kids BD - 7/2015 ILYB... Moved out 2 days later Suspect EA
All my friends and family say the same thing. Even if A was over and wanted to come back there would be so much that needed to change. Not sure H is capable.
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
RAI- Yes, thank you for that response. Very insightful and helpful.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
