Will it help you locate your children? Isn't that your primary goal now? What would be the point?
The reason we sometimes remove exes from FB is if it is too painful to see what they are doing with another person, or if we find ourselves obsessing over them. As long as you don't know where your children are, I would keep all information flowing until you find out.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Guys i just found out my wife is living in a womens shelter. Im so hurt that she is having my daughters go through this. I dont know what to do. I saw her vehicle in her sister in laws house. I waited until they got out the house and followed them to see where they were staying at. I ended up in a womens shelter. I dont know why she would pick such a place? there has never been any abuse in the family ive never treated her in such a bad way that she would have to do this. I dont know what to do
ive never treated her in such a bad way that she would have to do this.
Unfortunately for you, this is your opinion. You can only see your side of how you have treated her, but she may have perceived something totally different. Through your actions, she may have felt neglected, unloved, betrayed, abused....who knows. Because thats what she feels, to her, thats the way that things were. You saying "I wasnt that bad" or "it isnt fair to me" just serve to negate her feelings like they dont exist or dont matter.
I agree with everything said so far that a custody arrangement should be your first priority. But as far as your emotional state, you need to start considering things through your wife's eyes, and stop trying to dictate to her how she does or should feel.
I am sorry for doing everything she asked? i am sorry for catering to her needs. I am sorry for for always doing her way. sorry for getting 2 or 3 jobs in order to keep her financially calm. i am sorry i didnt tell her to be a stay at home mom and she had to urge to be one. im sorry ive always been nice to her and never laid a hand or insulted her. i am sorry she had to remind me here and there for taking out the trash. i am sorry for working like she always wanted for me to but complained if i didnt keep the family up in a "good lifestyle". I am sorry something i couldnt be with her and talk about what ever or spend too much time with my little girls because she always wanted me to work and never have them "lower their standards" like she would say. Its so unselfish from her part.
I already got me a lawyer and sign the forms for divorce and full custody of the kids because i want my kids out of that shelter.
Only you can know what you want, but beware that you will have to interact with her over the children for years to come. I would be careful not to act rashly or aggressively. Especially because she may have gone to a shelter and claimed you were abusive, so if you act angry and outraged, you'll be playing right into that. My H is a very emotional man, and he made things so difficult for himself with his ex-wife and children because he couldn't stop and think and take time to consider the consequences of his actions - although he was a good person, father and provider. Try not to be your own worst enemy.
For instance, you may want to consider the consequences of filing for D and custody while working two jobs, both when it comes to how much time you will have for the children, as well as the income that child support will be calculated from.
I don't know if you have read the DB books, but if I were to sum them up in three sentences, it would be: You can only change what you do. If you change your actions, the ones you know are not great (and we usually know), you may *after a while* see a different reaction. But you should change for your own sake, because that is a benefit that will be with you regardless.
Best of luck!
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
my priority right now are my kids. What woman in their right mind would take their kids to a shelter when they know they have a home with everything and no one is abusing no one. She has family that she could have gone. the only answer to get my daughters out of that awful place is child custody and that means filling for D. She must not be all there if she thinks the best answer is a shelter. She is making herself look like she is the victim. am i wrong?
i am just scared that she might react irate and hurt herself or me if i take my daughters away from that shelter. i am in the middle. i dont know what to do. i offered her to go to counseling and i would pay but she responded with NO. I AM SO LOST AND DEPRESSED. According to her mom she is getting cousnseling from that place. But they are counseling her on how to be a strong woman etc, not the right counseling where she has postpartum and not thinking rationally. She is already looking for a job and a daycare , she is getting her life by herself. im so stressed i feel like i have a knot in the back of my head. I did everything for her in this marriage.
