Finally asking for help: 2

[Solo15]

Thanks Beagley, that means a ton to me.

So I guess I should update a little. It's been a weird week. I went to pick up the girls for the weekend on friday night after work. When I got there, the kids were eating, and I went outside to smoke(temporary habit I picked back up when everything went south a few months ago) and my W followed after. Her body language was weird. There was an urgency to her. Like she wanted to hug me or something. I just kind of ignored it at first. So she sits down on this ledge and lights up, and I'm standing in front of her. She asks me to sit next to her. I do. She's kinda rocking back and forth and doesn't seem well. So I ask her what's up. She says she's really not ok. I press a little. She looks me in the eyes and says, "I can't tell you". The indication was that something happened with OM. She asked me to hug her. So I put my arm around her and kinda did the soothing back rubby thing you do when you are consoling a friend. She goes on to say that "she's really bad at life". That "she feels so stupid". I stood up, pulled her to her feet and held her. She sobbed a little, literally cried into my shoulder.

So here I am, doing exactly what Sandi says not to. Literally thinking about sandi's gay boyfriend comment while this is going on. At least that was what was going through my head. It felt like a pretty big thing. Since he's a billion miles away it had to be a communication that it's over, it meant nothing to him, or something to that effect. He's a famous musician(probably never mentioned that part). I think she doesn't realize that she was a groupie. Anyway, I was all detached and strong and weirdly unaffected by it. I felt bad for her that she was hurting. I made her watch a video on my phone of something hilarious and had her laughing in a minute or so. She said I "was very very kind". She knew that I knew what it was about.

Hugged her a few more times before I left. I told her if she needed to just talk to someone she could call me, and that I didn't want to talk about what she's going through but would be there for her if she needed me. Detached, confident, friendly. Not going to stop being who I am. I would not turn someone away how needed help.

So Saturday she calls me up and asks if I wanted to watch a movie with her. I say sure. Put the kids to bed with my parents, then drive out. We watch a movie and hang out. No physical contact until she hugs me goodbye. We don't talk about anything other than light stuff.

A few weeks ago I agreed to watch the kids while she took her friend to a concert for her birthday. So I took the kids back up to the house, she goes to the concert. She tells me I can sleep in the bed if I want to. Was trying to decide if I should wait up or sleep. So I went to bed at around 11. She comes in at 2 and gets in bed. Presses her back up against me. I slept for bit, but I just felt so weird. So I got up and left. Got in my car, drove the hour back to my parents, climbed into bed and got a couple more hours of sleep. So that was my weekend.

Not really thinking about it much. Just moving along. I am not pursuing her, and I honestly don't want to know. The only thing that I can see here is that with whatever heartbreak she's suffered from OM, it might mean that the EA/PA thing could be over. Or weakening. I would assume that it will take a long time for her to heal from it, so just letting it ride out. GAL, detachment, self care, and lots of coffee today!

Thanks for reading, such drama.