XF was mad, it didn't come off as mad at me directly though? It was more of a "can you believe they said that" type thing. Complained to me about it but not necessarily at me... I claimed ignorance, and just said that I can't control what happens or what people say, but I understand why she would be upset.
The Monday funk is back and I'm not sure why? Just a weird feeling today. I have really learned to hate Monday's lately because of this. I always seem to start my weeks on a down note, and bring myself back up through the week
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
The pic. Ignore the comment. You appreciate & enjoy what your W did in sharing a pic you liked. You show that you don't need to react to the comment, or that it gets you upset by ignoring it. If W brings it up, have a laugh about it. Wow, U is different & I like it. Maybe I don't have to walk on eggshells around him any more. Maybe I can come to him when I have something difficult and he will be able to handle that too, and give me the support I want. OK, we won't get carried away, but you are planting the seeds for that kind of R.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
The pic. Ignore the comment. You appreciate & enjoy what your W did in sharing a pic you liked. You show that you don't need to react to the comment, or that it gets you upset by ignoring it. If W brings it up, have a laugh about it. Wow, U is different & I like it. Maybe I don't have to walk on eggshells around him any more. Maybe I can come to him when I have something difficult and he will be able to handle that too, and give me the support I want. OK, we won't get carried away, but you are planting the seeds for that kind of R.
I have a completely different opinion on this, FWIW. I have completely stopped following my W's social media accounts. Id rather not know what shes putting out there right now. I understand the approach above, but I would rather not be watching her stuff.
I kinda use part of both your techniques... I didn't unfriend or on follow (she doesn't post much and when she does it is usually a pic of S4). But I haven't touched anything with a 10 foot pole since she moved out. I'll look then scroll. Maybe somewhere down the line I will like a pic from time to time to plant that seed but I don't know if now is the time?
I was asked over the weekend to take care of scheduling an appointment and letting her know when it is and also S4 was sick and stayed home from preschool today. She asked me to let her know how he is doing. I made the appointment and sent her a message stating a date and time. Got a 1 word reply back. When I recieved that I waited a few minutes and told her that I just talked to the sitter and S4 seems to be doing better. Another 1 word reply. I just feel like she is making sure not to open the door to anything at this point, let alone conversation. That's fine, day by day, she's just so cold on day and warm the next I would have a hard time telling when to plant the seed that it isn't taken as pursuit right now...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Hi Uphill, I can recall getting the one word responses from my H. It is rather disheartening, but like anything, it will pass. I think your approach sounds fine. Best to be co-operative, but brief in your own communications and not let the terseness bother you. You're moving foward with your own life anyways.....
Hope S is all better soon xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
S4 is doing better from what I've been told. He had a case of the squirts, and a little bit of a cold. So every time he would cough, it made a mess in his shorts... Not good but could have been a lot worse.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Feeling a little more on top of my game today. Woke up, got S4 ready for school and saw him onto the bus. That was a very nice start to my day! I usually don't get to do that with my work schedule, but this week I am working close to home and time allowed it. My mind is still wandering from time to time but nowhere near as much as yesterday and it is shorter lived when it comes. I just want off this roller coaster! I need to find a way to detach better, to a point where none of this matters... I wish there was a switch for my feelings, I'd flip that thing off and move along with life!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Uphill, we have all been there buddy. You are about the same age as I am, my daughter is the same age as your son is, the best advice I can give is detach and GAL.
I deleted my WW from FB, I kept her #'s in my phone but deleted any and all text messages prior to D-Day (I found myself reading tests a week before that were all "lovey" thinking that we could go back to that) I deleted all of her friends and most of her family off of FB and out of my phone. It's one of those "out of sight out of mind" stances that worked for me. Plus I Gal'd like my life depended on it(which it felt like it did). I took myself out of my comfort zone, cooking classes, dance lessons, yoga, etc and focused almost all of my energy on bettering myself for my kids.
Funny enough, I finally enrolled my daughter in Gymnastics and Dance classes. The WW showed up at one lesson last night and I could tell she was peeved because I already knew all the other parents. And when I say parents, I mean single Mom's, I was the ONLY Father there. The first class I was kind of left alone, the second one they started asking about my situation and by the 3rd we were all friends. Imagine your XF walking into that type of situation, where 4-5 women your ages are talking to you like you are all old friends with inside jokes and what not. That's about the same reaction my WW had.
Just keep your head up bro, it [censored], no one wants this, but you are getting through it and will be fine once you let her go (I am still not at that point, but getting closer every day).
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
I'm not going to do it but, the thought just crossed my mind to say to XF... "Have you had enough of this nonsense yet? Are you ready to sit down and work past the bumps in the road we had and pave this thing for smooth sailing? Enough is enough lets get past this and live our lives together!"
God I would love to say that right about now!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I'm not going to do it but, the thought just crossed my mind to say to XF... "Have you had enough of this nonsense yet? Are you ready to sit down and work past the bumps in the road we had and pave this thing for smooth sailing? Enough is enough lets get past this and live our lives together!"
God I would love to say that right about now!
Go ahead and say it if you want. Ill bet you she doesnt say yes...
