Finally asking for help: 2

[Solo15]

Vanilla

So to address your question of self worth. I'm not really sure about that. Like, I think on paper, by just about any means of outside measurement people deeply value me. I have a lot of confidence in my life. I am a good friend. I do the right thing, no matter how tough and try to love people with courage. I am professionally very successful, a leader of many, and am seen as a really cool guy. The James Dean type.

Those are constructs though, and they are a deliberate framework I've put in place over my life. I think deep down, I do have pretty low self-worth due to a having a passionate heart, my upbringing and a lot of years of being battered around emotionally by my W. Over the last few months in seeing my IC, she has really helped me back off of me taking myself too seriously, taking too much responsibility for the problems in my relationship. She's been helping me to be easier on myself, and that has helped a bit. I think that you are really on the right track there though. I have a lot of self hatred. I often feel ugly, unwanted. I'm not entirely sure why either. It's obvious that people, even my W, find me attractive.

Just typing that out gave me some insight. Thanks V. Seriously.

mutatio
You are a good man. Thanks for your kindness and encouragement.