Thanks for your replies. I am working on some goals. The main goal for me is to continue getting closer to my kids and being more involved with them and their lives. I know that everything happens for a reason and if the reason for my sitch is to grow closer to my children then it is all worth it.
Also, I am using this time to rebuild a R with my father. We talk daily now. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about a week after my BD. We have always had a strained relationship. He was a reclusive father and didn't have much to do with me growing up. He was a sports fan and I was only interested in the arts. He was abusive and sadistic in many ways. This is something that has haunted me my entire adult life. I have since forgiven him and he has apologized for his behavior when I was a child.
As far as wanting to know if the W has OM, I don't think it would be helpful to know right now. I am finally starting to realize that I will be ok on my own and I think knowing there is a OM would put me back a few steps. I figure if there is OM it will come out eventually.
Another goal for me is to get my finances straight. This is hard to do because of the Ws debt. If not for her debt I would be in pretty good shape. I know this is her debt and I should let her have it but she cant afford it alone.
And a pretty selfish goal of mine is to play more golf with S10. I have always used music to deal with stress but golf seems to work just as well without the emotion required to make music.
I have always had low self esteem for no reason. It may lead back to my R with my father. Through all of this im beginning to realize how strong I truly am. This weekend helped me realize this. I had bday parties to go to and arts festival, church and homework with the kids. I did this and did a pretty damn good job at it. That's a good feeling.
Mornings are the worst especially with these stupid dreams.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
