Still Struggling with a plan!

[hopeOK]

It's difficult to stop the imagination from running wild once trust is broken. I don't know what the answer is - I have confronted H when there is something that really bothers me, but even when it appears that he answers openly, I don't know if I trust him.

Yeah, it is hard to know what is real anymore, it seems. I question lots of things that happened in the past & of course question things that happen now. It is hard to just blindly believe that he is not doing anything.

Well damn honey,

you just don't let up. As if you are pushing him away so you could say that you were right all along about him.

WOULD YOU RATHER BE RIGHT OR MARRIED?

You cannot hang on his ass 24/7 and watch every move he makes because it will drive you nuts or it will drive him nuts.

You really do need to forgive him because FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOUR BENEFIT, NOT HIS. And no, he is not "getting away with it". Frankly if you do not forgive him, you might as well start packing and filing for D. You cannot NOT forgive him and stay married. No way in hell.

Make no mistake, there is a lot of hard work in front of both of you that will really test your love. And no, he cannot hand you his nuts in apology, because then he will have lost your respect.

FORGIVE!

LOVE!

LIVE!

And for god's sake, quit acting like a spoiled brat. Get with the program or file for D.

Yeah, I understand that I need to move on from this & forgive for my benefit. It seems like it is a process... some days I think I have it all together - my mind is straight, emotions in check, attitude just right, etc. Then other days, i fail miserably at all those things. Some days I can feel like all is well ... no matter what he is doing- b/c I will be alright regardless.

And yes, watching everything he does & analyzing it all is driving me nuts. Some days I have the ability to shrug my shoulders & move on but then some days I feel myself panicking a little over things.

It just all feels so up & down. I have felt relaxed, confident, at peace (which would be when I don't come here as much as I have no immediate need) many times. But sometimes things start to pile up & I falter. I do need to get a grip & try to remain steady, even when I am not feeling it but so far I cannot manage this 100% of the time.