Wife wants to "move on"

[job]

Latest posting of Clay's from a thread over on the MLC Forum:

I haven't signed the papers for final judgement to return to my attorney. I am stalling and I know this is going to make W angry, but I am trying to figure out a way to talk to her one more time before it is entered into judgement to ask if she will consider MC. Let us become friends again, work on ourselves and then see if we can make it work. I know I cannot control her and I am not trying to do that. I am just trying to prevent something that is irreversible and that she may regret.

I am pretty sure she will say "no" because she has been saying that through her atty for several months. She says "we don't belong together. We are too different." She brings up things from 18 years ago and says "That should have been a clue to me not to marry you."

I think subconsciously (or maybe even consciously)her main motivation is pleasing her parents, as I am quite sure they encouraged the divorce.

The kids are already acting differently, but she doesn't think it has effected them that much. She said "the kids wanted this to happen". They have told me otherwise, but W says they are just telling me that because they don't want to hurt my feelings. D2 said "I hope you can be friends"

When I was in Afghanistan 5 years ago, she was the best friend I ever had. She would e-mail me regularly, send me sexy notes and pictures and tell me all the things she wanted to do to and with me upon my return and gave me the best support I could ask for. The conditions over there didn't matter to me because I always thought of her and the things she would write to me. She would go to the store and get whatever I asked for and rush to the post office with it. It was amazing. I was looking through the e-mails last night and I am wondering where that person is. I cannot get her to see through the fog to those times. I know that it is all-or-nothing thinking, but I am too stubborn to give up.

I started to write her a letter last night.

Here is part of what I said:

"I wanted to take this time to write to you one last time before the transition in our status as a couple. I know we will be communicating over the next few years, but not like we have in the past. So I hope you will read and listen to what I have to say"

I apologized to her for some of the things I had said in the past that may have hurt her and some of the times even when I had a reason to be upset, I overreacted. I told her that although I am not 100% responsible for everything, I would admit my faults and take responsibility for those.


"I am sorry you want to end our marriage and our friendship. I had wished you would reconsider and give it some time with you being on your own before making this decision. I feel like I am losing my best friend and it hurts."

"I will sign the papers and return them to my attorney this week"

"Before I close, I want to take this time to thank you for all you did for me and the support you gave me over the years and that I will never forget (this is what makes it hurt)."

Then I made a list of all the things I remember she had done for me over the years. I want to remember the good times.

I just don't know if I should make one more attempt or let the D go through and hope for another chance after the dust settles or make one more attempt at this.

Any advice from the forum? (I am going to duck my head and wait for the replies)


Edited by Clay234 (Yesterday at 07:53 PM)