You don't konw how much these words just resonated with me. I have been having some wine, and was looking at pictures. So of course it made me miss her more. I am ok overall, not going to let that take me down but damn, do I wish I was with my W. She posted a picture on IG of one of her favorite songs "Live your Live by Yuna" and commented that that was her them song. I love the fact that she is happy but it hurts that she tries to portrait that this isn't at all bothering her.
Anyway, moving forward, stay positive my friend. We are on this invisible boat and all we can do is continue to row across the river till get to paradise (borrowed this from Co-Dependent No More)
God Bless, lets have faith in our Lord and Savior.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Do whatever you have to do to heal brother, cry it out if necessary, eventually there will be no more tears, but we do have to get them out of our system.
Thank you my brother ILYNOT. As you already know we will make it through this, and come out better man.
Good morning Fam,
Another day in the rear view and another one to look forward to. As always, missing my family but have faith that God has great things in stored for me and my family. The ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) are still present and I have to let them come and pass, accept and move on from them. Not easy, but we all know we have fear in us, trying to overtake us, and with faith and trust in ourselves and our Lord we can overcome them.
Had a great time with my boys last night, I know my W was out, and one of the man to whom she now speaks to everyday was there, she tells me that there is nothing for me to worry about, but as a man in love and afraid of losing his M, it can't be helped. Manage to sleep through the night tho, so that's progress.
Here is a few of Today's PMA
Quote of the Day:
“When you know who you are, what you stand for and that all your intentions are forthright, it will not matter what anyone labels you. You walk taller, you act with assurance, you speak with certainty, you carry yourself with dignity, you convey honesty and you embrace all this with humility. Classify that attitude however you like. I know what it really is: giving honor to God by being a reflection of His goodness. Never be ashamed to wear that label proudly.” - Carlos Wallace
Thank you for passing by Mutatio, it is always a welcomed surprise.
Good morning Fam,
This morning I woke up angry and not much motivated. My wife is at a business conference for the next few days, I am watching the kids. While away she parties and has lots of dinners, don't know if entertaining anyone, and I try not to let it get to me. I ended up drinking a bit more than I have in the past few weeks, and feel there is a correlation with my anger and the drinking (definitely need to be conscious of this, and work on it). I have been working through the irritability and anger all morning and finally getting to a good place. I don't know if there is resentment in the fact that she is over there having a good time or if its just the fact that we are were we are in our R. Seriously need to look deeper into this.
I have began my mornings pretty much the same as always, tried to do some calisthenics, only able to do a few because I needed to make sure the kids were ready, our babysitter needed the day off, so I had to make other arrangements for care. I need to continue to work on myself, I am not too happy about where I am in my life at this point. I will continue to work on my PMA.
Today's PMA
Quote of the day:
“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything - anger, anxiety, or possessions - we cannot be free.” - Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching
I really wish you understand how drinking can make a HUGE negative impact on you, physically, mentally and emotianlly not just on you but your kids as well.
I used to be an alcoholic and when BD happened I completely switched it around, almost like I had to TURN off the drinking switch, which by the grace of GOD, I was able to.
Now I drink on occasion and its only a couple at a time since I now know the damage alcohol can cause.
Anyhow I apologize for the sermon, just really looking out for you and your boys.
Keep it up brother, our situations are so similar.
MY W was always away on business trips for several days, then come home and she would do her classes, almost like I was the father and mother at the same time all while working, working around the house, getting kids ready, dinner, etc.
I truly appreciate the sermon. I know where you are coming from and I am starting to understand how alcohol is impacting me. The plan is for me to get to where you are, only drink it on occasion and socially, and to minimize it to a limited number. I am going to begin working on being conscious of it.
Our situations are in fact similar and we are not that far apart in age, our Ws are of the same age.
I am working on letting it go, day after day. Some of the things that she has said to me since this all happened, her actions, from the flirting to her intentionally saying things to hurt me, all cause a bit of anger. I know she is hurting too, and has been latching out in some ways, I am being understanding of that. I need to start focusing on my goals again, and reach for the moon.
It really makes me happy to hear from you and get your support. As always, I will be praying for you and your family. God bless
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
One more day behind us. Woke up feeling much better this morning. Still get hit with the sadness of my situation, the anger about this all happening to me and my family, the guilt that I am working on forgiving within myself. Constantly working on forgiving and letting go. Spending time with the kids is always amazing, to be around them, getting hugs from them, sometimes makes this all better.
Miss my W. A friend of mine told me that she had a dream about us last night. In that dream my W told her that we were working things out and that we were again happy. I have faith that this might be an indication of our future state, and will continue to work on myself in order for me to be a better person if that happens or if something else God has in stored for me. I can't look back, have to look forward.
Today's PMA
Quote of the Day:
"I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear."- Steve Maraboli
