have i been making mistakes too long part 6

[tkdmme]

So the W was gone all weekend and I had the kids to myself. Third weekend in a row. The weekend was awesome. My D12 painted kids faces at the arts festival. She made $116!! THe boys were jealous LOL.

I didn't talk to my W all weekend and she didn't bother to even call the kids. What is going on with her? This is not the woman I married. She would never have gone out of town this much without the kids before. When she returned home she said nothing to me. As if I wasn't even there. I prayed with the kids and went to bed early.

I know everyone here wants the same thing and so it goes without saying that I want my W back. I have realized (maybe too late) that nothing I can say will bring her back. I wish this wasn't true. I wish there were some magic words that would fix this. I go back and forth between worry, hurt, hope, hopelessness, anger, and then back around again.

I truly love my W and I hope there is not another man but it sure feels like something like that is going on. I cant even ask her. even if I did she would deny it.

I am going to see a L for the first time today and I am nervous. Damn her for making me do this. I will not file for D and I will not move out of my house or the MB. I have never felt so out of control of my own future and the future of my kids. I love them so much and will protect them with everything I have. I just feel so helpless in protecting them from a D.

I need some encouragement today guys.