Mustardseed Sprouting

[mustardseed]

Thanks for all the love and support V. All of my DBing friends have been an inspiration and kept me going.

Can you send me a link to Judy's thread?

Just a little more reflection here. I am learning a lot about myself and my relationship patterns. I think this premature dating is actually very useful to me because I am seeing my relationship patterns without having much to lose, and I am learning to break them.

For example, the man I met over the summer has three times left me hanging after telling me--with complete enthusiasm and all initiated by him, that he wanted to get together. He is all gung ho about it until I start to try and solidify plans, then he drops off the face of the earth. Days later he will text as if I nothing happened.

The only times we have gotten together was when he invited me to meet him at his job and I accepted. Every time we have planned to do things on a day off, or before work he flaked. The first time would have been the second time we got together. I truly believed he overslept--he seemed sincere and replied as soon as he woke up to apologize...It was ok because I was going to do what we planned to do even before I met him so I waited 15 minutes then went on my merry way.

The last two times happened last week when he had a few days off and invited me to go kayaking. I told him I would like that and told him the days that worked for me. One of the days I was even in his town getting my brakes done and I told him I was in town if he wanted to meet up. Nothing. Silence. Then the next day he said he wanted to see me, I told him I had choir reheasals. He went on an anti-church tirade in a funny way but still a little intense--the fact that he is anti-religion doesn't bother me. I used to be also, and I don't think anyone else's religous beliefs or lack-there-of is my concern. I made light of it and we got back to a good fun place and again started talking about getting together after and I thought we were on the same page. After I got out of rehearsal I texted "So what's the plan?" and nothing. For 3 days. Then some friendly text about something he was doing at that moment. So if religion was a deal-breaker, then why even bother texting me again three days later? It makes no sense.

I didn't reply. The old me would have. The new me recognizes this as unacceptable. Am I heart broken?--hell no. If he didn't want to get together all he had to do is say, "Sorry, can't" no need for an explanation or anything. All he owes me is enough consideration of my time to not leave me hanging, but he couldn't do that and then he acts like it was no big deal.

So I didn't respond to him. Just now (more than 24 hours later) he texts me with a general "hello beautiful". I have two options. The old me would have just done what I wanted to do in the moment. I would probably end up responding when I felt lonely and vulnerable and just let the whole thing go. The new me recognizes that this is a boundary that I will not allow to be crossed. So I a debating the best way to handle it. Either respond but let him know that I have no interest in making plans with him anymore because he has shown a complete disregard for the value of my time. Or continue to ignore him, which is getting easier every day (but will be difficult when I go through a lonely spell). Ignoring also feels rude and spiteful. It isn't who I am. So I think I am going to wait until morning, then respond when I am feeling strong and empowered. And let him know that I will not allow him to waste my time in that manner ever again.

We have a lot of fun when we are together and there is a lot of laughter. I really like that--and because I am not looking for a boyfriend part of me thinks, so what if we can't get together. But I realize that I am allowing someone to mistreat me and this is something I need to learn to address with grace and confidence.