You heal yourself first, before doing anything else. Fix your own problems, without trying to show her you have changed. She is not interested in your changes, and probably wouldn't believe anything to be authentic.
Your energy and focus must be on you getting yourself helped, healed, and keep changes in place from this point forward. If your goal is to do it just to get her to come back home.........the changes won't stick.
A lot has to transpire before either of you are ready to live together. You aren't the only one who needs to make changes, but you can't make her do it.
How many counseling sessions have you had? Any type of support group, anger management, etc., other than the counseling?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
