so last night i was feeling so hurt. i felt like a failure at the one job i had of being a wife. these feeling came because of our "heart to heart" talk. there are so many signs there that he knows to come back home but he truly feels that hes just miserable overall. not only in the marriage but as a person. we agreed that he should probably move out so that way i wont get any hopes. he thinks that god sent him the dopie (the other woman, shes a heroin addict) for a reason. i told him that he was way smarter then that and he needs to find someone without that baggage, because at the end of the day if hes going to introduce the kids to the ow she should have positive aspects who can educate my kids or be someone influential not a druggie who cant even watch her own damn kid. i told him that if he wants to be with her then it will take time away from your kids cause if your trying to make sure shes not using drugs then that means you need to baby sit her (shes 10 yrs younger then him). so i told him, please find a girl who is like me hahahah, smart, godly, a family oriented person who wants the best for her loved ones. without any baggage. he was just listening and agreed. i told him i want him to be happy and that he deserves happiness and that i hope and pray that god can give him happiness, true happiness and some peace, hes been through so much in the last 1.5 yrs. so now i need to really stop trying with him and start trying to fix me. God is giving me this me time and i truely want to use it because I too deserve happiness whether its with him or not.
some thing i read last night really hit home: if you see me walking with someone else its not because i want to.. its because you werent brave enough to walk by me. if you see me simle, its not because i forgot you. its because i got tired of crying for you if you see me living again, its not because ivve moved on.. its bcause i hate the fact you can live without me. so if i fall in love with someone else, its not because i want to.. its because you werent there to catch me.
