OK duke.

Great post Judy, 100% agree with you.

You need good L support on this and if you get into contact with your Ds, you will want to protect your butt, in case WW pulls nasty tricks to get your access cut off. Lots of documentation, possibly involving other adults for a while. Courts don't like false accusations, but belt up for a bumpy ride. There are sites for dads fighting for their kids with resources on this. Start as you mean to go on.

Some of my take on this, no doubt mums and dads on the board will intercede if I am off beam.

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The thinking that your Ds are 'siding' with their mother needs to stop. These are children who love their dad, I know this, the two younger Ds will be confused and not even know what you are saying.

If I say to you, you don't have to eat your greens, or don't think about Pink elephants what happens. Elephants eating spinach everywhere!
So if you say to your Ds, "you do not have to take sides" what are you really saying? No one likes to be asked to choose. Stop, this is very damaging. You love your Ds, drop this already.....

Children appease the parent they live with, it's natural. And I absolutely 100% guarantee each child will for different reasons plus love want their dad in their lives.

It is important that you treat each of your Ds as individuals, not as the collective from a hive! They are individuals as you have spoken about them.

I am already looking forward to learning about how your R is going to evolve with each of them. It will be different.

Time to change your approach. You can only go forward from here, this is where you are. let go of the past on this, move forwards.

What can you do to connect with each child? Do you facebook friend, talk text, FaceTime every day. Can you start with set times for telephone calls? Send and receive pictures?

Are you happy to have D11 over for a pizza meal and a film if that's what she likes. Take D9 to school. Attend school events, buy tiny treats, put pictures on your fridge. Stand in the cold watching your D play football etc. contact the schools for schedules etc.......

Join Parent Teacher assocs, go on board of governors lots of things to do. What about you going on hols with them?

You can give each of them dad time, it's not all daughters come over or nothing at all!

So what can actions can you take to maintain connection with each of your beautiful gorgeous daughters.

V




Last edited by Vanilla; 09/20/15 06:57 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW