Hi Haunted-I don't know if this is a MLC or WAS situation.
You are receiving some very good advice on boundaries from Sotto, LouR and Job. At first it is hard to grasp their advice, but the more you read the more it clicks.
My H and I continued to do something every weekend with our kids throughout his MLC. At first my H tried to cut me out of the loop. He told me I could go to one of my son's games and he could go to the next one! I said: "no thanks, I want to go to every game but if you want to go to every other one, feel free." I did it with a smile, full PMA.
Try to re-read what Job, Sotto and LouR suggested regarding boundaries for you.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced