First Post, She just Left, Very unsure

[Shrike]

Hi Julie, thank you so much for posting. every time i see a reply I get a little bit more upbeat about life haha

I am pretty down in the dumps the past few days.

still trying to read DR, im horrible.

I know im hard headed. i know i should be focusing on me. what i hope is that by kind of recording what i think on here, that one day i will see the switch in focus. until then. keep busting my balls about how i need to db.

the stuff i read from mwd or her videos is all so positive. i wish i had the option to do db coaching

she was upset that i went out and SPENT money. I don't think it would have been a big deal if there had not been money involved. i often did stupid little things with money like that before she left. and it always pissed her off. ive realized she may be a tad materialistic. always wanted the best of everything even if we didnt necessarily have the money for it. best blenders, tv, bed, toothpaste you name it haha. she was always worried about the money and i think she hated that i was so meh about it. my thoughts at the time was that there is always going to be bills or things we needed to buy, so why worry about it? save a dollar here or there and just keep on working, and one day we'd be where we wanted to be. I feel like she was in a rush to be in what she thought was a higher status. weird thing is when she left, she said she didn't care if she had to be poor as long as she was happy, because she would reach her goals and be someone someday soon. but she couldn't do it if she wasn't happy at home.


i want to be friendly, positive ''act as if'' but i don't know how to do that if i am not supposed to pursue her.

literally the only interaction i have with her is for about 2 minutes when she drops our daughter off on Sunday. what am i supposed to do in the situation??! I mean I smile, I say Hi! I dont really try to ask her how she is because that is pursuit I believe. But its such an awful situation. I feel like im so limited in the things I can do. And she doesnt open up at all, she just says hi, good to see you, how are you doing, bye. end of interaction. see you 7 days from now.

other than that how is she supposed to notice what I am doing? or become curious? she seems to be perfectly happy from what I can tell. she is going out with all the people from her work. still looks great. she was always the bubbly, bright person in the room. literally can make friends with anyone. could walk into a place and in 2 minutes know everyones name and lifestory. i was always in awe of how she did it. you had to actually try to not be her freind. so positive all the time. thats another hard thing for me. i just watch her from this distance, and she makes it all seem so easy.

We did talk on the phone for about hmm 60 seconds last night.. she told me our daughter was ok (she was sick at school) she said she was at one of our (or was mutual) friends houses for a surprise party. said her mom was watching Daughter. asked me if I was ok. then said a kind of strange thing. that she has a stomach ulcer... i didnt know how to react. besides being worried. told her i was really sorry and that she must feel pretty poopy. hoped she would go see the doctor. but she cant go see a doctor with out me setting it up because of the way health insurance works with the military after youre retired! once i said that she changed her mind and said she would probably just go to urgent care instead.

how to deal with mutual friends is another question. i feel like most of the people we know are gravitating towards her. i was so bummed out that i didnt get invited to that surprise party.

her mom has also been texting me almost every night. which is weird for me as well. i try to act non chalant... she keeps bringing up the R though. but i try to divert conversation. act happy!