Take Joy!

[LoisB]

I think Matt hates it when he realizes he has no control over us any longer.

I wasn't the best employee. The community loved me, but the company not so much. I know. I was given a great opportunity, but it didn't work for us. I feel sad and angry with myself over some of it. But, I also know I was suicidal, closer than I've ever been, stressed to the max, put double the mileage on my leased vehicle in the past year, I reached out to four counselors for myself and Louisa, a coach, support group, my family, local churches... It didn't work. I begged for help from my mom. Literally, begged her to come for a week to help me put things into place with Louisa and she told me to "put on my big girl pants."

That's ok. But, I realized, while here in almost Canada, that I have to make this work without counting on my family. And, that's ok too. But, it's very difficult here to do that.

I hear the voices in my head saying I screwed up again. Shutting it down by listening to sermons, reaching out for help, talking/journaling out and taking action.

I have a list of Asheville resources prepared:

Autism resources
Debtor's Anonymous resources (used to be a member and have reached out again)
Al-Anon meeting schedule
Consumer Credit Counseling (discovered some GREAT resources in Ash)
Homeschooling resources
Social service agencies

THIS time... Being honest about what I'm capable of doing instead of over-committing. Louisa and I need support before the other stuff will work. I need to keep things simple... meaning shorter driving distances, more resources close by and fewer expenses... more affordable and simple. That's the key and we can build up to what I jumped into here.

I dove into the deep end and nearly drowned. This time, success will come by some smaller, gentle steps. I'm starting in the shallow end this time with more realistic goals and I WILL NOT count on my family for help. This time, I need to face the reality that I'm on my own and will need to find support from sources OUTSIDE my family.

God is good.