hold on!! - 12

[u-turn]

Hi Jelly, V, Asitis and all - thank you for writing.

I took some time away from here thinking that I was helping myself - sorry - I will catch up with everyone soon.

Since I posted last, things are still moving forward. W was served (actually D15 found the unsealed papers in the door when she came home. W was mad abot this). W finalized her lease on her new place, bought appliances and some furniture (I kind of wish she wouldn't update me about everything - but I guess it would be rude to shut her down when she tells me things.)

She took the kids there last weekend to show them, D15 was a little harsh - which made me feel bad for WW. (I have been going through times of feeling bad for WW - I wish I didn't feel this way).

I expect she will move out in about two weeks. She said she is not taking anything from the house, doesn't want any settlement on the house, doesn't want anything from our life.

So what does that mean to me? I don't know, maybe that she doesn't value anything that we built. Or she wants to start completely new by herself or with OM. Or her guilt is driving her to run away and leave all memories. I don't know.

So as I see it, she will walk out of here and it will all look exactly the same, just without her and her clothes. This is really tough for me, not what I expected, but I guess I will feel like sh!t no matter what.

She is not getting a Lawyer, I don't even know if she will show up for the hearing(s) as I am not asking for anything that she would dispute.

Another thought that I have is that in the end, she will still have her foot in the door here, always needing something from the house, always treating this house as an open door to her - I don't think this is a good idea.

Another thing is that for now we have worked out some common bills that have to do with the kids (cell phone (keeping a family plan), car insurance (keeping a family plan for now though I don't think this will last), school bills (I've been paying all of these anyway....) We are going to keep a common checking account for these these things - I hope this doesn't come back to bite me.

I am going to see if we can just finalize all of this in my L's office without the courtroom - I guess.

I also think that this would protect her image as the A will never reach public record and may not reach the kids ears at this time either. OM's name will not be mentioned and his image and fake life will be protected too.

I still go through times that I am second guessing everything. W & I have been friendly to each other. But I see the way she has jumped without wanting to talk about what it would take to get it all back and I feel that this is the right decision.

Thanks for checking in - I'll be back