I thought you'd say that I never wondered as it would have never occurred to me that she wouldn't be anything else but faithful. He is not new to the group and I know him...
You have no idea how your statement hit home with me. The one thing my H & I always had was trust in each other. It use to bother me, when I younger, that he never seemed jealous. I was too immature to realize jealousy comes from insecurity and that my H felt secure in our MR. One reason my A went undetected as long as it did, was b/c he never believed I would be unfaithful. I pray that one day very soon, your W will realize the treasured trust she abused.
My advice about her going on the trip is to not ask questions that would cause you to appear insecure. Don't ask her to call, or be sad she's going, or anything of that nature. Act cheerful and friendly. If she initiates a hug good-bye, then you can respond to it. Let her be the one to make the first move, in these types of things. Don't take advantage and try to sneak in a kiss, etc. She is not trying to truly reconcile with you, she wanted to be home.
I think that's the pinch you are in the relationship. She's home, but she's not back in the M, really. She is making it clear that she doesn't want to share the close confines of a bedroom with you. She's give you a heads-up that she may never have sexual desire again for you. As a woman and a former WW, I see that as her telling you to stay away from any notions of intimate contact with her.
Her feelings can change. But first, she has to respect you as her H before she can desire you as a man. At the moment, she is satisfied with being home and having you as a friend. IMO, that type of arrangement is like putting you in the brother zone. She wouldn't desire a brother. Women don't want to date a brother. They can enjoy spending time and sharing non-intimate space with a brother.......but her feelings won't turn to something more. Isn't that why guys hate to be told by a woman she loves him like a brother?
So, your goal should be to decide how to establish a stronger role as a leader in your home. Not a Lord, a dictator, or prison warden, but one who is in position to lead. Now to be perfectly clear, I personally think a couple should have the whole "equal-partnership" type of MR,where they can discuss things and come to a decision together. I don't respond to being "bossed around" or talked down to by anyone, especially my H. I think I am just as smart as he is, and capable of doing things he can't...........and he does things I can't do.
I like to think I am a strong, independent woman who does not "need" a man to take my hand and "help" me through life. ( I'll bet your W is the same. ) I will quickly add that I do need my H to be stronger than me. If he is going to be my man, he has to have an inner strength to deal with me! And, I want to feel that whenever I need to be comforted and assured, he is strong enough to do it. If I am afraid or worried about something that affect our home and family, I want to know I can depend on him to be our leader, provider and protecter. If he is afraid and wringing his hands, falling apart.........I won't feel he is strong enough to hold me in his arms. Women need and want their man to be stronger than she is. Which may seem rather complexed for men to understand, when they see women resisting it and wanting to take the role of "boss". So goes the mind-boggling mystery of the female........which is just too deep for guys. . (jk). I think it all goes back to Adam and Eve, and when they sinned, God said the woman's desire would be unto her husband's. So, God put that little "thing" inside of her. She's been a mess ever since! Her old human nature is to do everything equal to the man, and resist submission. But, it's that "thing"..........that softness........that desire........deep inside her soul that takes her right back to Mother Eve. It's that inherent need to turn to her H, who is stronger. (Just my personal take on it). No offense intended.
Oh, and when I married my H, he would not have been considered the alpha male type. I don't know that he would be considered alpha male, now, compared to some other men. I just know he grow much stronger in interrelationships, as well as personal. I think the personal was tougher for him. He definitely became more "alpha" with me! He doesn't let me get away with treating him disrespectfully. He steps up and knows how to take charge. And me? I have a desire unto my husband.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
. (jk). I think it all goes back to Adam and Eve, and when they sinned, God said the woman's desire would be unto her husband's. So, God put that little "thing" inside of her. She's been a mess ever since! Her old human nature is to do everything equal to the man, and resist submission. But, it's that "thing"..........that softness........that desire........deep inside her soul that takes her right back to Mother Eve. It's that inherent need to turn to her H, who is stronger. (Just my personal take on it). No offense intended. 
