[BrightFuture]

I had some time to re-process all that happened at the vacation home during the long weekend and also re-read all the posts to me. I feel that something has shifted in me. I know I said that before… I just hope that this time it will last longer…

I feel like I don’t care anymore about H re-decorating the vacation home. I don’t care if that crazy woman is going to help him or do it for him. If I go there again, I will just treat it as a free rental place. This is convenient for me. Until H tells me that I cannot stay there anymore (I dare him, LOL.), then I will then find another place.

I will handle the business as usual with H while it is working for ME.

I will not file for D (unless I will need and want to do it for ME.) I will wait for him to do that. I’m prepared (I think), and I don’t dwell on the date. I actually doubt that he will have a nerve to file it or notify me on our anniversary.

I feel good about my life right now. I actually feel a bit of a power. Ironically, thanks to that crazy woman. I thought about our brief conversations and her comments and I can see that she is kind of trying to compete with me. I don’t even know why, but I have a very strong feeling about that, like she thinks that I’ve got it all together, if this makes sense. I actually kind of grateful that she is there for H, in case he is sick or something… She is so willing to help and do things for H. He has no family there, and with my mutual friends leaving (maybe), at least he will have her. I’m thinking that it will not last forever (I mean her interest in him)… But… for some time, he’s got somebody looking after him.

I think he is not happy and still looking for that magic thing in his life that would make him happy. I think he is looking in the wrong places…

In spite of some hurt feelings I experienced at the vacation home, learning the news, etc., I think that trip was beneficial for me. I had somewhat close interaction with H. I saw the anger, I saw a different H (not the H I fallen in love with), I had some reality check… I can’t really explain it well enough… I think that I’m very close to acceptance that H is gone… I can’t wait for the feeling of freedom from all of what happened in the last 3+ years. Is there such a thing? Am I kidding myself? I know that I’ve read multiple stories how this happens in LBS’s life. I’m looking forward to it.

And just for the heck of it, some update…

On the 15th of the month… Haven’t heard from H. I was thinking that he was still angry at me for coming to the vacation home on Labor Day weekend, and that he might have been trying to make some point… My thoughts were “whatever”, if he doesn’t transfer money, I can pay and then figure it out later. So, next morning I received a text from him at 6:30 am, saying that he was “a day late”, but he transferred the money to my account. I replied with “no problem and thank you”.

A couple of days ago I received an envelope for him from DMV. I was surprised because his car registration was due in July and I know for sure that I mailed him the notice back in May or June. His other vehicles are not registered in my state. I opened the envelope and it was a notice of delinquent renewal for his car. I scanned the notice and e-mailed him today, telling him that I sent him an original notice in May or June and asked him if he didn’t receive it.

Got an e-mail back… I think he was p!ssed. The e-mail started with an “f” word. Then he said that when he loaned the car to his friends from vacation home (not our mutual friends) to drive to Florida, he gave them the renewal notice and the check. They were supposed to do the Smog test and then send it to DMV along with the check for registration renewal. He then said that “They either dropped the ball or another case of lost in the mail room.” And then “Thanks for sending this.”

Soooo… I suppose having friends and relaying on them for his business can be tricky sometimes… The only person who didn’t "drop the ball" on him so far happens to be me... At least this is what I think, LOL.

Oh, and he forwarded my e-mail to these friends when he asked them if they mailed the Smog test and the check to DMV. I thought he would try to hide the fact that I’m still doing “stuff’ for him. Maybe he was too upset to even think about it.

Sorry for the long post again. Have a great weekend, everyone!