First Post, She just Left, Very unsure

[Shrike]

Reading DR.
Reading detachment
reading LRT
reading reading reading
looking into lawyers as much as it kills me.
trying to find a wa

Trying to delve more into what I see as my issues

disrespect (the biggest factor in all of this I think)--- I did not respect her views, goals, opinions enough. Tried to be too much of a realist when she would talk about things like owning a gym or having a big beautiful house full of babies. ( i don't know why i did this. its like I was trying to prove to her that I was so smart or that I knew everything... it's ridiculous... childish)
talked down to her, did not treat her like my partner.

irritation--- she always had to walk on egg shells hoping I wouldn't get upset over this or that. leading to her never trying to do anything with me. and stopping communication (she figured I wouldn't want to or i didn't care enough to try)

communication--- i did not share how i truly felt about things often enough. and when i did it was mostly negative

negativity--- spiraled downwards into the awful hateful person that no one wants to be around

consistency--- was unreliable with money, time, emotions

commitment--- would start and stop projects, housework, things she asked me to change

neediness--- hyper emotional reactions to negativity from her regardless of her feelings.

Why did I do these things? Why couldn't I see the love she had for me. The things she did to try and help. Why was I so blind?? I acted like a little child.

I am glad I can see what I did and will never fall back into that way of thinking again. I just feel so stupid so evil almost. For taking her love and just completely turning it against me. I hate that she thinks she has to be alone to be happy. I hate that I put her and my daughter in this situation.