First Post, She just Left, Very unsure

[Shrike]

Just writing down thoughts. Really bad day. Need to vent or write it down, get it out. No one to talk to.

I am heeding advice from here. At least externally. I appreciate all the feedback Ive gotten. It just feels so opposite of what everything inside of me is screaming to do. It feels wrong. It feels like my heart is telling me to go fight for her. That the longer I am away from her, the further she drifts away.

If I am honest with myself right now. I am so scared and so lonely. Why is she doing this? I feel like there is so many other options that could have been taken. Trying to find some way of explaining the situation. Like its completely out of control. Like shes in a dream that she cant wake up from and if I could just wake her up and show her that its OK. Why is it so hard to let go of someone when they've made it so clear that they are done. Why cant I believe shes done?

She doesn't see anything else. Only her happiness. Nothing else matters to her.

Shes so cold. So distant. She seems to have detached so easily. No texts about anything other than bills or stuff she wants from the house. Not contacting her seems to be having the effect of making it easier for her to leave.

Why is it so hard to believe she wants nothing from me anymore. How can I accept that concept. We had so much together.

hoping for the best. but drowning right now.