No, I doubt it destroyed a future R, if you'll stick to what you told her. I think it may have taken this last encounter to help you see her more clearly. The selfishness is astonishing. She lives in a fantasy and lies to herself about what she's doing to the kids.
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When do I let her know what boundaries I have? When she appears ready 5o try?
When you are living separated from her, there's just so much you can do. Basically, treat her as if she were anyone else showing disrespect toward you, or taking advantage (as WW's will do). You can't force her to do like you want her to do, therefore, you have to be ready with a plan for you to do some kind of action that protects yourself from her disrespectful ways. She may, or may not find it as a consequence, but she should.
A couple of very minor examples, if she screams and yells at you on the phone, you discontinue speaking to her via phone calls. If she acts ugly when swapping kids, you stop entering her house and let the kids come out to your car.
I suggest you have the court decide the visitation (b/c she'll more than likely abuse it), holidays, special occasions, summer vacation, etc. If it's court ordered, she can kick & buck all she wants, but she has to follow it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
