Personally I believe a man needs to stand by his M. If you can't remain committed to your M because of how you feel, how can you expect a woman to remain committed to you when her feelings challenge that commitment?
As for her 'loving' him, you do realize an A is an addiction, right? If your W had said she 'loves' heroin would you shrug, divorce her, and say 'you can have your drugs'? Or would you stand by her while she battles that addiction?
I'm not suggesting you take her back with no boundaries, or enable her behavior. What I'm suggesting is that you take control of your emotions and operate based on core beliefs. If you can't do that I agree this forum won't be of any help.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
She admitted things to me this morning that made my belly turn. Made me absolutely disgusted. I cant believe how bad it was. She has been doing the most unimaginable things all these years. Random strangers. Craigslist. Going back to random guys hotel rooms when she was working out of town.
God Im sick. Literally sick. I want to throw up, and die.
I am so sorry for you mattdad. I know there is nothing that can be said to take the pain away right now. Just remember to stay level headed and do not do anything you will regret. Don't let your emotions drive you right now.
You have to understand that she is sick and there is nothing you could have done. Try not to focus on the betrayal. As hard as it is, try to block this out of you mind for now.
Paying for peace in your heart right now...
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
I hear your pain, md. But shes not worth more to you than you are.
I do agree with Zues though You dont need to take her back today. You dont need to take her back ever. But I dont think you should be making permanent unilateral decisions right now while emotions are so high. I think you will be est served by relaxing on this for a few weeks or a month to let everything kinda calm down, and then you guys can figure out how to move forward.
I can tell she is truly disgusted with herself. She cant even look at me. She is an absolute wreck. She knows how wrong it all was. She says that's why she likes the idea of OM, because he thinks shes a lady.
Its so confusing because the A is over, and shes trying to show me she CAN be honest, but I didn't want to know all the stuff I know now. She just started confessing stuff. She says shes a horrible wife, and needs help. She says she don't understand how I can ever love her again. I DO, but Im kinda freaked out. Ill never get those images outa my head.
Its so confusing because the A is over, and shes trying to show me she CAN be honest, but I didn't want to know all the stuff I know now. She just started confessing stuff. She says shes a horrible wife, and needs help. She says she don't understand how I can ever love her again. I DO, but Im kinda freaked out. Ill never get those images outa my head.
md - its only been a couple of days. Theres no point in saying "never". Im not saying to forgive her and go back where you were. But if she is truly committed, then dont you think its worth it to keep the door at least cracked open? As we've said, work on getting professional help together and separately to really FIX the relationship you guys have. You cant fix HER, but together, you CAN piece things together and possibly come out stronger on the other side.
I know what you are going through. Those images are hard to get out of your head. But you CAN do it. Everything starts with a thought and your thoughts create your emotions. You are in control of your thoughts and what you make them mean. The good things is she says she needs help. If she means it, and you can forgive her, there may still be hope for you. I am not a counselor, but she seems to have some issues related to self-esteem and possibly sex addiction. The big thing is for her to get help. If you are willing to help her, you may be able to support her through this. That is going to be a tough choice for you.
H:54 W:46 D:11 D:21 M:12 BD:1/15 In-house Separation 2/15 DB started 7/15, W sees consistency 9/15 Dropping the rope and having her leave 2/16, moves 5/16 Reconciliation 1/17 Obviously still struggling
If it was me, I think I would have to break it down and ask myself... What do I need to do or see happen to forget/dismiss/etc?
- She would have to make an extraordinary effort to rebuild trust & I would have to reinforce that - New memories would have to be made and therefore attempts at new experiences - Perhaps joint counseling session at somewhere of my choice - etc
Anyway, I think I'd make a list similar and research the items.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
