I stumbled across this thread while searching for answers to my own questions. This particular topic is one of the most painful of all of the lessons we are presented thru a divorce. When my ex first left me, I was very angry and spent the next several months blaming her, justifying blaming her or justifying myself for blaming her for everything! The reality is that I played a huge role in the demise of my marriage. I made many mistakes. I withdrew, I was depressed, I was afraid. All of these were the result of my biggest mistake of not taking care of my self. I allowed my failures and my mistakes to define who I was. I stopped being me in trying to fill some imperfectly preconceived idea of whatever role I was supposed to be playing (husband, father, provider, etc). By not taking care of myself, the relationship crumbled.
