I don't know what to do. W is out at a concert so just me and the kids as usual, no big deal. But kids are demanding that I don't go on my trip. My D7 started crying which is not normal. She finally opened up and said that she doesn't want the be left with mommy because she is not nice and yells all the time and does t play with them. She made me promise I wouldn't tell her. She never really opens up like this. I'm afraid if I go she will feel abandoned by me like she feels about w.
Help!
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
More to add. I guess t her to open up more. She said mommy is different now. She said at first she was worried that we were getting a divorce and now mom just always goes out and get places and she doesn't like it. I tried asking what she thought if we didn't live together me she said she would be very upset and not know what to do.
She keeps making sure I am not going on trip. I don't think I can betray her and go. I also don't know what to tell w why I don't.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Well I didn't leave. Ran into w in bathroom and she said aren't you supposed to be gone. I told her it was not a good scene at home last night. Told her d was begging me not to go and crying. She looked at me and said so your not going? She had a mad look on her face. I finally said you may want to talk to her. She is not happy. Then walked away. Now mind reading is on overdrive. I know she thinks I give in to the kids too easily when they cry so she may have been mad about that, or she could have been mad that I just didn't leave, or she is so lost that she can't understand me not going my because of the kids emotions and feelings. I think she believes they are not affected right now or see what is going on since we are in the same house.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Honestly I don't know. Thinking about it I can see that she would be mad. I just feel that if she is ignoring them and how they feel because they are kids. Then I need to protect them.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Honestly I don't know. Thinking about it I can see that she would be mad. I just feel that if she is ignoring them and how they feel because they are kids. Then I need to protect them.
I dont know that its about being mad exactly. But your actions said "I dont trust you to take care of my kids for two days while Im gone." You say the above in blue, but you dont really know, thats information you are getting through the eyes of a 7 year old.
Of course, Im not in your situation, so you would know if there is some danger. But in my opinion, by staying home, you are showing her that you think she is an unfit mother.
I respect that opinion and can totally see it. I looked at it in another way as if the kids felt she is not the same anymore then I want to be stable and they know I am always there. I will still try to push them to do alone things this weekend without me. Thank you for your thoughts. I wish we would have caught this last night. Difficult to look at your children and hurt them.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Hoping to get some help on a few things that happened this morning.
Did the usual routing of getting the kids up and ready for school while W got herself ready. Put daughter on bus all together then began getting ready to take S to preschool. He has asked me to drive him to school since it started this year, when in the past W drove him. She still goes as well but drives separately. As we are walking out today she turns and says "how long are you going to continue to do this?" I said what, "drive him to school" i said as long as he wants me to and asked why. She just said before you had to be a t work by a certain time and now you drive him. I told her i can make my own schedule now, and asked if it is a problem. She wouldnt say and had a look on her face. Finally she said she feels i am taking up all of the kids time and she liked driving him to school. At this point a thousand things to say came in to my head.
My response was "OK" and walked away. Now i know she may feel she is not getting her time with the kids and i know she needs that but please here my thoughts. First i wanted to say well maybe you shouldnt be going out all of the time, always running to the gym and dumping them, maybe you shouldnt live your life on your phone, maybe you should do things with them other than yell. Second i wanted to say was, the kids want me around and ask me to do these things and make comments about her. then i wanted to say, you are pushing for a S and i know my time with kids will become limited so i am getting everything i can in. On one hand i am mad that she said this considering her behavior. On another i feel for her wanting time, but out of the blue now...what about the past 5 months. The kids show me more affection and i think it is hurting her. on another hand i am happy and hopeful that maybe she is opening her eyes a bit in this fog she is in, even if it is not towards me, but seeing what she is doing.
I did not react in the usual way, normally i would have engaged in this discussion with all of the points i wrote here, but i did not take the bait. Now i am waiting to get home and she will present me with work on the S. everytime something happens she doesnt like she pushed things forward.
Really hoping someone can give me some insight and thoughts. thanks
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Finally she said she feels i am taking up all of the kids time and she liked driving him to school.
My response was "OK" and walked away.
Well, "OK" is better than all of the other things you thought about saying. I think "OK" sounds like you dont really care about her feelings though. The other things seem to judge her feelings, this kind of negates them.
But I think validating them would be better. Maybe something like: "Hmm. I hadnt thought of your feelings about it; maybe we can set a schedule that will work for both of us?"
I agree and thought about that when i was in the truck on the way to work. I guess i am wanting to revisit this with her. I think by just saying ok, kept me from doing damage.
Do i send her a text saying i have thought about this and understand her feelings and maybe we should set a schedule for a few things. I want to leave this open ended and not just about driving S to school. I do all of the cooking dinner, getting kids ready for school, baths, etc..I think it is time she can not depend on me so much and not just bring up the things she doesnt like. Also do i address my own feelings? Not about what i am angry about her doing or not doing, but me wanting the time with the kids as well? She picks him up and is with him the rest of the day until i get home. shouldnt it not be a big deal if i drive him?
I really feel she is sensing the kids withdraw from her. She did a lot of yelling this weekend. I am not saying my kids are perfect but she is angry a lot.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
