Finally asking for help: 2

[Vanilla]

Solo

Constant interaction is triggering this sadness, if this interaction is what you may want then it's something you chose to accept. Your reaction in response can be detached.

What do I mean by that?

I mean no anticipation that meeting with, having meals with, sharing with W are going to yield an outcome of R. You detatch from the outcome of R. Great if any interaction does, great if it doesn't.

This is letting go of the outcome.

It is letting go of the outcome of R, by doing that which works for you.

Solo, only you can control you, and W control W. Neither of you is responsible for the other. You have enough for working on you. That's comforting in a really big way, very very good. You can let yourself off the hook for anything other than you.

Poof, an enormous burden gone.

Let's get rid of another one, the difference between guilt and shame. Shame is about who you are, guilt is about what you do. I believe I read great sadness from Solo from shame. Let me tell you this, there is nothing wrong with Solo, he can release his shame for who he is. Guilt is different, it motivates us to change.

Would you kindly do something for me? Would you view a TED talk by Breen on Vulnerability? Google TED Breen Vulnerability. You will be glad you did.

So how do I know this? Very early in my sitch I posted "contempt was not a boundary for me", by this I meant I accepted contempt/disgust for myself and by others. From the feeling of contempt/disgust I ended up with an emotion of shame, disgust for myself. I felt I deserved it, that I had accepted that I was a deeply awful human being (not human doing), I had disconnected from my higher power and I wanted to hide away, cover it up. I changed my belief which in turn changed the emotion of shame to guilt. That I can atone for, guilt can be resolved by atoning and change. Jim challenged me on my belief and Edz and Sotto suggested that I discover these Ted talks. I listened and pivoted.

I read between Solos lines and think I read the same or similar belief, I think I have some suggestions for change. This belief you are rotting away may trigger some physiological damage, let's work to change that belief, do you have IC IRL, I can't spot that apologies. Let's reframe rotting and this produces the fertiliser for new green shoots of change. A positive image for Solo.

So can you.

Then if you would like we can discuss self worth, and the things which are getting in the way and dragging you down, if you want that. It's ok to say V, not now or that's not my journey. I will be pleased if you do and would rather you didn't if that's your path. I detach from the outcome.

I will check back to see your posts.

((((((Hugs))))))

V