Life is strange, I suppose. Have you been reading the discussion on normalization in Mozza's thread? To me, all these things are just part of my life and I don't see it as a good v bad thing.
I loved hearing about the pool tournament. I'll bet the young gun had no idea what hit him. But I find it a bit amusing you think you are the old wise one. Not from where I'm sitting, sweetie.
Originally Posted By: Zues126
One day I'm taking you up on one of these invites Sunny.
Yes, that's the general idea. You'll catch on one of these days.
I love your writing about pool. This was a great story and I was thoroughly impressed with your performance and self-knowledge. Don't doubt a minute that the greats all feel like this inside. You're doing it.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
But I find it a bit amusing you think you are the old wise one. Not from where I'm sitting, sweetie.
By the way, I didn't mean you weren't wise as in not having good judgment or discernment. You are all that and more. I just meant it in terms of experience, you are quite young still. I love a series of books by Jill Connor Browne and the first time I read them I was still a "baby" by her definition, that is, under 40. At the time, I didn't understand her, now I do.
Sunny, I didn't take it wrong at all, sorry I didn't respond sooner to put your mind at ease. The comments I made all had to do with competition. In that world I am something of a Yoda at times. But once the pool cue gets unscrewed I am back to real life where I can be a bumbling fool at times.
I've been a bit quiet, it's been a hard few days. I'm not sure anymore if it even is caused by the D/aftermath, or if that's just the avenue in which I can assign an explanation to my feelings. In other words, I think I (maybe everyone, maybe just me and those like me) get down at times. I just suffer. And when I am suffering, it's easy to look at the things in my life I don't like and point to them as the cause. But I'm not sure that IS the cause. I think it's just a natural state I am in at times. Shoot, before BD I was suffering too, then I pointed at the broken R I had with STBX, and the loneliness, lack of appreciation, just the tragedy of having such a miserable M. When I was a kid I suffered too, I don't remember why anymore, just seems like I've always had pain in my heart. I think it's mellowed out over the years a bit, but it's there. So when I feel like I'm grieving my M, or missing my kids, sometimes I wonder if I just find life very painful in general, and this is either just a 'rationalization' of the pain or the most recent example of something more universally sad about life.
Also, I wonder if GAL and avoiding thoughts of my failed M is really always good. Sometimes I think it would be better if I just stayed in my room for a month in a depressed stupor, and just 'flooded' myself with sad thoughts. Would I be making it worse, or would I be processing it more quickly? At times I feel like my brain is trying to control my thoughts away from anything STBX related, and as a result I wonder if I'm burying feelings that need to be heard. I'm so eager to be 'done' that it's possible I've tried to force it at times.
Hard to say. I am aware of all of these things, though, and trying to find the right balance.
In the meantime my month at work is going terrible. It's so funny. I've been in sales a long time but the highs and lows in this job are hysterical. Financially I'll be fine, and intellectually I know I'll get through, shoot, I might even grind out a decent month, and if not I'll rebound soon enough. I mean, I just don't fail at stuff like this. I have complete faith that I'll come with something special. It's like watching a movie where the good guy is captured, imprisoned, etc. You don't think "oh no, there's no way out of this one!" because he's the main character and you know he's going to win. Instead you think "how is this guy going to miracle his way out of this!" That's how I feel about myself in sales (or games), I know I'll work some magic and amazing things will happen. But I'll tell you this- it still feels awful when you're down, even if you know you're going to win in the end. I guess that's no different than where we are in our lives right now at times.
Anyway, it all came to a head, Monday was tough, yesterday was tougher, and this morning it was all I could do to show up to work. I was afraid that the first person that asked me how I was doing was going to cause me to break down. I was sitting in my car outside of my first appointment just wondering if I could call in depressed. But that's not what we champions do, is it? So I plowed through, got a few things done, and will keep putting one foot in front of another until it's good again.
In summary, just another guy going through life. That's the same story for all of us. Thanks for sharing some of the battles with me. It's been a true pleasure. This forum is worth getting D'd for...;)
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Very sad but interesting thoughts. I share them as well. Just when I feel like things cant get worse it does, and I cannot console myself with the thought that it can always be worse because then comes the fear that there is still so many bad things that can happen. lol. I relate to your comment that there is something more universally sad about life.
Love the Woody Allen quote "life is full of misery, loneliness,and suffering and it's all over much too soon" (Sometimes I feel like comedians are the most intelligent people in the world)
Just tonight I was complaining to my friend about how other wives are so much worse then me and they remain married and I am being rejected despite the fact that i have no vices, am faithful, educated, do the right thing, rarely lose my temper, am great mom etc. she told me "it must be so hard knowing that he just doesnt like who you are as a person. You know, Who you are at the core". We both Found this very funny and and I don't know why. I guess because it was such a mean thing to say, or maybe because it puts a distorted perspective on what I'm really feeling deep down? We both laughed and I felt much better afterwards.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all suffer in life , but maybe we all have different ways to deal and cope. I was feeling very dark, and needed to laugh at myself to lighten things up. How do you cope when things get dark?
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Yes, I find the pain hysterical. Agreed with a dark sense of humor. Reading this made me think of Vonnegut's tombstone inscription:
SOMEBODY SOMETIME - SOMETIME "HE TRIED"
Something about this really resonated. I agree comedians are a great form of artist. I think I could've been a stand up comedian, or at least a great comedy writer. I come up with a lot of unbelievable material, I mostly share it with my friends just so it is heard before it disappears into the night.
That all said, I still manage to enjoy my days most of the time. My best friend and I are super close, we talk daily, text throughout the day, leave each other funny messages, etc. It's good stuff. I have some good friends. Just got a text from a pool playing friend of mine, had a picture of Jesus shooting a 'behind the back' shot and saying "I call this one 'the crucifixion'"...maybe you had to see the image. Point is, it's all good. Can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I like reading your posts. You seem to have a wide range of perspectives and your great at maintaining that PMA while Surviving (or even thriving) through some serious stuff.
I'm sure Vonnegut (trout) cannot be beaten for the most observant and absurd quotes! When I am capable of Actually being able to pick up a book again I'll make it a point to reread breakfast of champions and think of you.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Thanks guys. If I've learned one thing from these forums it's that I appreciate compliments from others.
I, too, am exhausted. Somehow I have found the energy to post on other sitches, but for me it's like "meh, I've lived it all day, I don't want to talk about it anymore...".
I'll just share a funny memory- I was watching some videos on the TV of different animals hunting, and we came across one of a jaguar stalking a crocodile (if you search "crocodile jaguar" on youtube it is the first hit). Anyway, we watched it and we were all hooting and hollering and shouting about how fast the jaguar made his move! So that night before dinner I put some food on the table and we all took turns doing our best jaguar impression, stalking up the kitchen table then pouncing on our dinner. It makes me both happy and sad to think of them right now. But they're with me tomorrow night and over the weekend. Can't think about how much pain I go through while they're away, got to enjoy what we have!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Z, you sound like a terrific Dad! I'm so envious of the age of your children....so enjoyable. How I miss having young children. I love, love, love being "Mom". It comes through loudly and clearly how much you enjoy being "Dad" for yours.
Have a blessed and wonderful time with your young treasures.
I love a series of books by Jill Connor Browne and the first time I read them I was still a "baby" by her definition, that is, under 40. At the time, I didn't understand her, now I do.