I agree with many of the words spoken, just want to caution on one point. Don't try to control WAW. You can't do anything to wake her up. You can't do anything to change her. You can't speed up her progress. You can't guarantee that she ever makes progress. The more you try to take action thinking along these lines, the more attached you remain. It's easy to contort your entire life trying to change someone else.
But- you can avoid doing anything to make the situation WORSE. You can avoid doing things that would enable her behavior, and prevent her from going on her own road.
If I had one wish for you it would be that you can let her go on her journey, and that you can begin to go on yours. Not to get her back. But to build the best life for yourself regardless of what she decides to do.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
When people say that she is enjoying the benefits of being married. There has been no benefit to being married other than she is living in the house with me. We barely talk. She seems miserable. She goes to bed at 6 or 7 pm almost every night. Providing a roof over her head is the only benefit right now.
That's a big benefit Mavrik. She has experienced no loss. She continues her bad behavior while living in the marital home and having an EA. It's up to you how long you will continue to enable her behavior. You can't control what she does, but you can control what you do. You will have to decide how long you can tolerate this type of treatment.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
Azzork is usually he||bent on driving home one theme: the majority of WAS's are already gone and it is a miracle to see ANY of these marriage restored.
I wouldnt classify myself as a vet here by any means, but in my opinion, it took until my W had BDed me, we had lived together for a month with me screwing up everything possible and separating before I was ready to admit that I needed help. So I assume everyone thats here is just as stubborn and foolish as I was. After making everything as terrible as I could on my own, I came here.
Maybe it was too late for my M, maybe not - dont know yet.
I do agree that the best course of action is often to just get out of the way. Its kinda like drowning in quicksand. Everything that you do will only make things worse.
Well she unfriended me on facebook. We are still living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed for the time being. I am so tired of this. She told me that there was no more her and the EA but there was no more Me and her either. She has not desire to work it out. Says because I followed her she will always wonder if I was following her. I was tracking her phone because she was running behind another man. Whatever, I am going out of town for 2 weeks and I think when I get back I may end it if she doesnt end it first.
Ok, So today she told me that she is gonna move out and house sit for someone. She said that she has no love for me in her to continue to be my wife. I was just hoping that we could weather the storm but it doesn't look like that is gonna happen. Her EA ended it with her and I think she is not happy about it. probably blames me somehow. She said that I told too many people our business and therefore she can never trust me again.
If you were at breaking point maybe the separation will be welcome at this stage.
I would just repeat not to believe what she is saying.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Well today I was served with legal separation papers. Our state requires a one year separation before you can get a divorce. She has really been detaching herself from me. She started packing tonight but what is so messed up is right now she is done for the night and we are gonna end up sleeping in the same be after she had me served. That is messed up. She could at least leave. I have been very quiet and let her pack up. I did tell her once she moves I would appreciate it if she calls me before she comes over. I think it is over. She tells me I will never trust her again and she will never trust me again. I do think the separation will be good for us. maybe she can get some clarity. She has ruined her relationship with one of her kids and seriously damaged it with the other. But this doesn't seem to bother her.
My wife is moving to live with her mom 500 miles away in Pennsylvania. Our girls are very mad at her for leaving and having an EA. She blames me saying I took the girls from her. But I try to explain a 26 and 17 year old have their own opinions. I have tried to get them to stay in contact with her. I bought the divorce busting book but I am afraid its too late. Any advice.
There is actually much that can be done. Focusing on being the best man and father possible is the best place to start regardless of what your WAW is doing. Has detaching been hard for you?
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
