Shall I Ask her about the affair...

[Zues126]

Your saying putting on the pants on what way should I be stronger?

Women like confident men who make decisions, instead of leaving everything up to the W. Even if it's just going out to dinner, you need to decide, sometimes, even if it doesn't matter to you where you eat. Women hate passivity in men. Making decisions and doing the action are signs of a man who has inner strength. It's the inner strength we adore. We like men who know how to be in charge.....at least, once in a while. It's difficult for women to admire a man who is totally dependent on her (as long as he's healthy, of course). We like for the H to take the initiative and be the one who plans things, or just does something minor without waiting to be told to do it. Maybe that's b/c we like a man who can be the leader of his family. The bad thing about the woman acting as boss over everything, is that puts her in the leadership position, and it just doesn't work too well in marriages. If the H quietly submits as she barks out orders.....they won't have a happy MR.

One of the most important ways to show you are wearing the pants is to stand up to her whenever she acts bossy, b'tchy, bullying, disrespectful, making you the butt of jokes, snide remarks, rude, doormat treatment, etc. You are not her child nor employee. If she can't respect you and treat you like a man, she needs to leave. Unfortunately, there are some women who just have to be put in their place....in order for them to respect you. Furthermore, I believe almost every wife will test her H. If he lets her treat him badly, she loses respect. If he lets her b'tch at him, she loses respect and will treat him and will get worse with her behavior. If he never stands up to her, she won't respect him. All of these affect the attraction (or lack thereof) a woman feels for the H. Some men think they will make the W happy by letting her have her way on everything. Nothing could be further from the truth!

When you discuss anything with her, don't approach her as if you were a child and she's the parent. Approach her like a confident man and speak up.

At the place you're in now, you might have to prove that you have the right equipment to wear the pants, but I'll bet you'll look very attractive in them. This will change the dynamics in your MR, and should result in her feeling more attracted to you, and certainly respecting you more. However, you will need to be consistent and not fall back into old those old habits of just letting her rule the roost. Know what I mean?

Sandi,

I don't disagree with the theme of what you're saying. Particularly in the context of advice to an LBH.

I do, however, have a problem with the idea that a man that doesn't act a certain way- decisive, confident, alpha- somehow just isn't able to keep a woman.

What if I posted that men were looking for a submissive woman who knew her place, so you females should try to act more like that? I don't think that would go over so well.

Again, I get that in this particular case pursuing or acting needy isn't helpful. But how can we be ok justifying this type of outlook?

Personally I think I bring a lot of those qualities myself in some ways and forms. But I don't take kindly to the idea that if I'm not up to some external standard of manliness that no woman could respect me. Frankly any woman that would test me and treat me disrespectfully because I am not acting alpha enough for her is a woman I'd just as soon see out of my life. Thanks but no thanks.