Answer to: "why didn't you hear it from ME?"

[Flight]

I have one comment and 2 questions

Despite all my reading here and the books, I think I am still figuring out "detaching" and "GAL" and balancing that with "validation".

The idea for the IC session and have her "hijaak" it was mine and my counselors. It was really to find out where she is. It would help her in that it can lead me to a place where I am understanding her and see sees it, but it can help "us" if this leads her to be willing to go to MC. She agreed to go under her terms, but the actual session made no promise that that would be a limiting factor.

First question is related to the above comment about balance. I know this is MW-D's forum and based on HER opinions. We all know other sources out there as well. I know consistency is important, so you should pick a course of action and stick with it. Perhaps I am missing that the sitch determines the course and we are talking about a WAW which is 180 or LRT. That assumes that the relationship is past the point of making a connection and only being prepared to leave the relationship and move on will jolt them into possibly coming back.

What about "one-way texts", "tag alongs", etc? Do you incorporate those into the process, or is it an either/or situation? I completely get "no pressure" and I can't act like a husband anymore, but can't you still build a connection? For example, another prominent relationship saving coach says, "No Contact is crap!" I realize there is a difference between GAL and NC, but there again is my confusion in the search for balance. Being attractive, positive, confident, aloof but supportive, all seem to build curiosity in my WW. Being thoughtful by sending a couple of texts a week or handling my share of the household load, seem to put cracks in her resolve to end things. Pulling too far away seems to elicit more of a "out of sight, out of mind" response.

The second question is more of an observation and not meant to insult anyone in any way. I just notice that every time I look at the posts of people giving this information, their signature line says "Mediation set for end of September" or "Divorced in June". I understand that for some of those folks, it ain't over till it's over, but it just seems like if they were doing what they are preaching, it didn't appear to work. As a matter of fact, it is pretty depressing to look at the track records here. To listen to these coaches, they have a phenomnal success rate. But maybe that is with people who actually pay the big bucks and both parties attend their sessions.

And thanks for sharing RAI about your sitch. Two years, wow, I feel your pain and it scares me a little. I can't see going though this for that long.