I just wanted to offer you some words of encouragement - from the heart.
I think if you compare yourself to the Mona that was 10 years ago, you will see a huge difference. You worked very hard to get to where you are now. You are a better, stronger, and more independent individual. You have a wealth of experience/wisdom and, most importantly, you respect yourself. 10 years ago, your H left *YOU*. This time *YOU* told your H to leave. That took a lot of courage and faith. From your post, it looks like you did this because H was disrespectful. I do not think this is unreasonable. You are a unique individual with a beautiful soul who deserves better. And, like JudyL said, you tried your best for a very long time.
Originally Posted By: Mona52
Goal #1. H calls or texts his children at least once every few days. Goal #2. H helps me by driving at least ONE kid to some activity at least once a week.
The goals you posted are not really your goals. They are goals/boundaries for your H, and you probably have no way to enforce them. The best thing you can do is love your children with the love of 2 parents. Perhaps you need to find your center again and come up with new goals for YOU.
Lastly, I too have an S11. It is a volatile time for him. I find that since I identified his primary love language, things are better. You have probably been covering up and apologizing for your H for years. Although it has become habit, it is not your job to fix H or fix his relationship with S11. IMHO, your job, as I see it, is to love your S11 with as much love as you can muster and help him understand the NORMAL feelings he is experiencing in response to your Hs actions.
Perhaps you can ask S11 what his preference would be in the event that H does not show up for Ball game. It may be a good way to start the conversation and begin a new chapter in your R with S11.
Good luck. I am sorry that you are going through this.
