I am having such a hard time detaching and putting my foot down and setting boundaries. I need to work on putting faith in the program. I am frozen by fear most of the time when I am at home. It is easy to be strong through text messages and resolved to my decisions, but when I get home and see my kids and W it is so hard to be what I feel is mean.
I know I shouldn't be paying for her phone or waking her up every morning. Let alone rubbing her back or sex, but when she starts acting like everything is good between us I get lost in the happiness I feel in those moments. That ultimately makes me crash harder when I see her talking to him at night, and I know this.
I am going to write up some boundaries to try to follow through with. I need to be careful in my wording as I don't want to seem like an A-hole. The othher problem I realized last night I face is that half of the talking they do is on their phone game they play. So even if I cut the phone off, I fear she will just pick up the tablet and talk to him on that, and I will have done nothing but anger her and oush her further.
I do see what everyone is saying about me needing to focus on my kids and me. I am fully focused on my kids and would not tolerate her being mean to the kids, however I have a hard time on the me part. I have spent my whole life being afamily doormat for most people I'm around, even when I played games I was a doormat to the people I played with. I guess the best place to start would be to work on my confidence and backbone, so I am no longer a doormat for ANYONE.
I have a long way to go on my journey and Thank all of you for your continued support, even with my shortcomings on following the wonderful advice each of you give.
