Losers: Wayward Wife & LRT (9)

[Georgia Bulldogs]

She then made a comment about me being able to forgive her. I just kept quiet as I wasn't sure how to respond.

Forgiveness doesn't equate reconciliation of your relationship. Meaning you can forgive her someday....when she apologizes, stops the behavior and repents. At that point in time it would likely be unhealthy for you to remain in a close relationship with her at all (unless you reconcile your marriage) but that decision would be made a later time and depend on many factors.

Factors:

1. How long before she actually repents
2. Whether you are in a new relationship or not at that time as you aren't going to make some new wife (or girlfriend) second fiddle behind a woman that cast you aside.
3. Whether her apology is real...crocodile tears just don't cut it.
4. Whether she is willing to and/or makes amends

The short answer is:" I can forgive you when you demonstrate you are really sorry. Doesn't mean will will for sure be buddy buddy thereafter. Forgiving a wife is probably a simple (but not easy) thing to do. I've told you several times I am willing and able to try to recover and rebuild our marriage and your ignoring that and continuing down this path has just served to push me further away. When a spouse cheats on you, cast you aside, chases you around hugging and kissing you and telling you how much she misses you but never stops divorcing you is probably not "friend" material."

"Leave your job working with [OM's wife's first name] husband, let me know you want to be my wife again and commit to taking full responsibility for your behavior and working a recovery plan and, if I'm still available and interested I'll consider it. Otherwise, please leave me alone so I can heal from this the most hurtful experience of my life and the lives of our children."

Please limit your communication with me to only emergencies and pertinent information regarding our children; and, even then only do so by text message or email. [I'd prefer you to advise you to use an intermediary for communications and run your child exchanges through a neutral party such that you do not see or speak to each other in person for at least one year but that's just me. I feel it's healthier but I understand a lot of people in real life with pressure you to behave otherwise "for the kids" which is code for "suck it up buttercup...your hurt is making everyone else uncomfortable and if you love your kids you'll swallow it". Consider giving yourself at least 3, 6, 9, 12 months without directly relating to your ex-wife at all (unless she desperate to try to reconcile, leaves the job and commits to a recovery plan) as a truly healthy individual recovery plan for you.]

Take care. My sister lives off Spanish River. I probs won't be down there until 2016...MAYBE....wish there was a way we could meet for a drink, philosophy talk and some Karaoke in the coffee district.